OP: i am a chronic faker, help!

The death of honesty in a relationshp is the beginning of the end of the relationship itself. I don't believe in faking it. If he's not getting the job done, you two need to work it out and figure out what is going on to prevent you from being satisfied, and addressing those issues, whatever they are.

Stop faking now, and explain to him what you've been doing, and suggest that y'all work on fixing the problem (whatever it is - you'll have to identify it first). You might fudge a bit and tell him that you just recently had to start faking it if you don't want him to feel bad about it having gone on for so long.

If you can't be open about the sexual side of your relationship and continue having sex and being unsatisifed, you're going to end up harboring some resentment. Since you're bringing it up here, obviously, it is becoming a more substantial problem for you. This might build to the point of damaging your relationship, and I don't think you'd want that to happen.

Caitlain

Posted: 24 Sep 04:13

I can appreciate this subject because I've faked orgasms at the onset of new sex partners for some time now. I just did it again and I'm 40 something. I actually did some of my own psychological research years ago to come to the conclusion as to why I do it... And I was successful. I was a young girl when my father left the house. I blamed myself, as most 7 year olds would. So I was always sensitive to pleasing men so that they wouldn't leave me... Even with the first blow job I gave at 16 years old!!! Heavy, huh? Anyways, I can appreciate wanting your partner to feel good. I think this is natural for any considerate love making partner (wanting to please). I also believe, however, that honestly is the best policy. I just went through this myself. Literally, just. Here is what I did:

First of all, I told my partner that I needed his help (men LOVE to solve problems). I then proceeded to tell him I had been faking it because I KNEW I wasn't completely relaxed and comfortable enough to climax and that this was ABSOLUTELY MY issue and had NOTHING to do with his ability to please me. You can explain that sex is extremely mental for most women (and it is!). We often need good reassurance OUT of the bedroom before we feel totally comfortable IN the bedroom. Clear as mud? Anyhow, I would plead to his compassionate side and ask for his patience and understanding. It helps too in these circumstances if you take sex more slowly. Ask for longer foreplay, maybe even using toys. This gives you the feeling of a more loving sexual connection because you're not just DIVING IN. This should help relax you some. I know that when I tell myself "okay, just relax & focus on the FEELING", AND THEN I ACTUALLY ALLOW MYSELF TO DO THAT (really focus on the feel of him moving SLOWLY in and out) I usually come within minutes! Same thing holds true for oral sex. The key is to allow your BODY run the show and not your mind, which is what is happening to you now.

You really do need to "come clean" with your issue and agreed, as gently as possible. Sex can be absolutely wonderful if the lines of communication are kept open. Tell him you want that. Tell him you want to grow together sexually. If he isn't receptive to that, or you find it too hard to talk with him, then you'll need to ask yourself if he's really "the one"...

Good luck!

Mamboval

Posted: 24 Sep 04:14

I felt like crap faking mine... but in my relationship that lasted 8 months.. my boyfriend had only ever pleased me once.. the first time we had sex strangely enough (I was a virgin before that). So I think I made myself think it would be easy to do again... but I just couldnt get to that point anymore.. and he can just keep going and going so I started faking it so that he would think he had satisfied me and that it was done.

I think part of my problem was that well people say you have to show him what feels good, but I dont masturbate.. I wont know what feels good until he does it right. (Its not that I believe its wrong, I just never did.. I never felt comfortable with my body and I guess I still dont)

It started just getting really boring, I mean he was okay at foreplay, but even then.. really no, no he wasnt. He only did like two things I ever liked, make that one, he seemed to ask permission for everything, not verbally, but you know, not try anything new unless I started him doing it. For ex. me moving his hand south. But he wasnt any good at that either so I ended it soon. Plus he seemed like a kid at a candy store when I did that, not in the sweet way, but in a pathetic way. Not 'Oh yaaa...' but more 'Oh my god shes letting me do this...'

Because I was faking it (back to the point) I never trully felt happy and just stopped wanting to have sex with him at all. I tried again about a month and a half before we had broken up but again, Boring. THANKFULLY, saved by my friends because we were actually all camping and they called us out for lunch. (We couldnt exactly say we were having sex, which was fine with me because I didnt want to be doing it anymore anyways).

When I talked to a few close friends... even though I thought it was selfish at first for bad sex to be a reason for breaking up with someone, but they supported me saying, even if it doesnt seem like it, it is an important part to a relationship. Try to imagine this long term. Fine okay, right now is well right now.. but if in the end you are not going to stay with him. End it. Which was true, he was over-clingy, always made me feel bad about going out with my friends even though it was like not on purpose. Made my prom miserable because we didnt get to sit at the same table. (One friend invited him, one invited me because I had left school early and couldnt get my own tickets) But someone else was placed at my best friends table, he told me to come to his table cause there were free spots but I refused to leave my best friend because she had worked So hard to get me there, plus dinner was only an hour... but he let me know out right he was miserable. I couldnt leave him alone to dance with the girls without him looking like a pathetic lost puppy, and if we were dancing, the second I physically let go of him he would stop and stand stiff as a bored "But I dont know how to dance" ya well neither did I, wtf does it matter) I remember when I first bought the prom dress, we were still having sex, so I you know teased him about how hot it would be to have sex after prom etc but by prom I was in that "No interest in having sex with him" state so I played it off as I was tired, but he kept hinting it, like no. Sorry I have anger issues with him now. It broke my heart to break up with him when I did because I did love him, but I feel SOOO much better now, free.

BACK to the point, sorry, I trail a lot.

If you really want this to last, you do have to talk to him. I'd suggest doing it the way that was written above, either that you only more recently started or.. I mean if you are that comfortable with him try to explain. You just didnt want to tell him before because you were afraid he would get mad but you love him.

Lemons(^.^)

Posted: 24 Sep 04:14

Ok. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have this problem. I've been with my guy a year.

I don't exactly try to "fake" it. I moan a little and breathe harder because it is getting better - but I don't cum. He'll ask if it was good for me, and I'll say yeah. Occasionally, he'll ask if I came, and I'll say yes. But... it's not true. I DO enjoy the sex, but I don't cum. But, he assumes I always cum.

Several times I've said that I didn't cum during that session, but when I do that he gets SO upset. He starts thinking he's really bad and I don't enjoy sex and that I don't like him anymore.... you get the idea. He has this idea that I'm out of his league, so he gets pretty upset if there's ANY reason that I could be dissatisfied with him.

I am going to disagree with most of the people who've replied. I wouldn't tell him the truth. I know with my guy, that's not really an option. He'd never trust me again, and he'd just feel bad about his ability. And I dunno about you, but I do enjoy sex, I just don't cum.

I think you should talk to him about different things you would like to do in bed. Maybe you could try different positions that have more stimulation. Or you could ask him to touch your clit while you have sex, or you could do that. You could also try bringing sex toys into the equation. You could also explore different desires or fantasies that you might have, like roleplaying or kinky sex. The point is, explore what you can do for your sex life.

I also liked the other poster's advice that you could stop faking it and ask him to help you orgasm "again." This didn't work for me, but it might for you.

I think you should communicate about sex and trying different things, but I wouldn't recommend telling him the truth. Good luck!

browneyedgirl

Posted: 24 Sep 04:14

Just an update, the last couple times we've had sex, I've cum. This is kinda embarrassing to admit, but only recently did I learn how to bring myself to orgasm from masturbation. And now... cumming is so much easier! And we've been doing it doggy style, my favorite. I've come close several times in that position before, but now I can go over the edge and it's amazing. I even squirted today! Yay for the G spot, yay for orgasm, yay for sex!

browneyedgirl

Posted: 24 Sep 04:15