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OP: Self Confidence

Men and women, boys and girls, of all ages can have difficulty with self confidence and a lack thereof. A lack of confidence can manifest itself in several ways, for example:

* Difficulty engaging in a conversation one-on-one
* Inability to speak in public before a group or large audience
* Difficulty speaking up for oneself
* Hesitancy with others in maintaining boundaries
* Difficulty or inability to try new and unfamiliar activities
+ a fear of failure
* Fear of rejection

Self confidence comes from having accumulated several small successes. Added up, these successes can really work to bolster a person's sense of self, self worth, and, confidence.

Act your way to success. Just like an actor or actress in a movie or play, act the part of the person you wish to be. Doing this enough you should find that your actions will become second nature and a part of you.

Do not be afraid of failure. Learning something new means you may not always succeed. Don't be critical of yourself. If the failure happens in front of someone, apologize if necessary, and let it be known you are learning.

"Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead!" As I tell my dance students, do not go to a dance to dance because for a guy with a fragile male ego, it means he has to "perform"; rather than, going to a dance to practice. Practicing means we are free to make mistakes, then pick ourselves up and continue on all the while learning and becoming better. There is no pressure to "perform" flawlessly. The same holds true for developing self confidence. Next, if you feel good about yourself and who you are, then let this show through for others to see. If you are shy, fix this aspect of your personality, first, using the same technique.

It's about attitude, also. Believe that you can, not that you can't.

The idea behind "acting" your way to success and developing confidence is to change your behavior by doing small acts and then relishing in their successful completion. Your tasks can be anything as noted, above. One additional purpose is to bring a smile to your face with each success.

A word of warning, however; do not adopt a cocky attitude or an arrogant attitude in the process. Doing so will remove any hint of success in the eyes of others.

A confident person is one who in part stands tall and straight having good posture, makes eye contact with others, smiles, asks questions in order to learn, does not monopolize a conversation, listens well making mental notes of what is said, and, periodically uses people's names in a conversation with them, having a masterful handshake (guys: no hurtful squeezing!). Thank people for compliments received. Give compliments when deserved.

Do you really lack confidence? You might ask others what they see in you. While you may not feel very confident, this does not mean other people see you as you do. Ask people for their feedback on how they perceive you then use this information to develop your personality. It may just be that you will only have to change minor aspects instead of making a major overhaul. Either way, acting your way to success is one way to begin.

When talking to women, one great approach is to ask an opening question and then listen. Many women are chatty creatures by nature, so you can often carry on a conversation by simply asking a leading question and sitting back and listening. Next, by interjecting a comment or question, the conversation is revitalized and will most likely continue--all with little effort on your part.

When the time comes to talk about yourself, do not tell all, all at once. Pay the information out over time. Save some information for later, or, over another date or two. (Keep the person wanting more....)

If a person rudely interrupts a conversation or a gathering or comes between you and another person, quietly and politely inform the individual that this is either a private conversation or meeting, and now is not an appropriate time for his/her involvement. If, on the other hand, you need or want to talk to someone who is occupied, wait for a pause and quickly excuse yourself then quickly ask if you can talk to the person, later, when s/he is not busy.

Gaining confidence takes time, so do not be in a rush. Enjoy the journey as you undertake new tasks or activities and solidify familiar ones. Package all these things together under your cap and before too long you should have a "feather in your cap".

OP: dancingdoc2 11/24/2009 - 20:54

Posted: 17 Aug 03:38

Replies:

Please remember that YOUR self-confidence, YOUR ego, is YOUR problem to solve. You cannot expect other people to do the work of acquiring self-confidence for you. It requires courage and persipicacity both of which you acquire while doing the work of building self-confidence - the one leading to the others.

1. talk to people, just ask an open-ended question and listen to the answer
2. realise that most people do not bite
3. whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger
4. get into the habit of making wise descisions by considering consequences
5. keep a firm grip upon your emotions

Just because you're shy, timid or just because you get angry, feel slighted, whatever - is NOT enough to excuse being stupid. Crying on his/her shoulder or yelling back at perceived slights is not going to get you where you want to be. You have to gain the perspective that comes with a thick skin.

Just like riding a bike - you skin your knees a lot in the beginning but after that - its all good.

OP: EvilEvilKitten 10/24/2010 - 18:38

Posted: 17 Aug 03:40


I completely agree with EEK here, you really do have to accept yourself totally.

This isn't just about confidence hence being successful with men or women, this is about being successful with life. It ties in a lot with some other posts I have read by EEK, the Doc and others with regards to responsibility for your own sexual pleasure lying with yourself.

I guess one way to look at it is this, if you aren't passionate and completely accepting/loving of yourself then why should anyone else even consider being interested in or caring about you?

This applies when you are looking for a job, whatever you are doing. I think the way to avoid falling into the trap of being cocky and arrogant is to be genuinely enthusiastic about yourself and what you do. But don't let that turn into you being completely vain and unwilling to find out about another person. It is, as with pretty much everything, a question of finding the balance.

I completely accept myself and to be honest, my life is absolutely fantastic. Not because of what goes on in the world, after all I could say how work can get really stressful and I am being worked to the bone, or I am incredibly lonely, or any other negative which sure if I wasn't so self accepting would completely consume me. So even when I am thinking of the bad bits I still have a genuine feeling of happiness and a smile on my face, not because I enjoy misery, but because I am happy and comfortable with me. Accepting yourself means that you always have someone that understands you. You always have something you are proud of and genuinely excited about. And when times get rough, this can help pull you through, more often than not leaving you emerging with a smile on your face.

I would be willing to say that self acceptance and self appreciation is about 90% of the battle to being a more confident person.

Just to go from what RG said, that "...life is what I make it." This is so true! You'll hear people saying "hey thats life deal with it" and "life isn't fair" or "life is never how you want it" my answer to any person saying this is simple. You live in this world, and life is exactly how you make it, because at the end of the day, you are alive and a part of life.

So how YOU act is how life really is, not how you see everyone else acting. I think Michael Jackson sang a song about this and a man in a mirror! In other words, screw everyone else, be a little bit selfish, otherwise a person may as well get mug written on their foreheads.

It always surprises me how many people think that doing things for themselves is bad, it's not. It leaves you happy, and happiness can spread. So for the sake of leaving everyone else with a smile on their face, be smug, be content, walk with an air of yeah I am good and I know it, and most importantly, don't lie about it, genuinely feel and be it. Don't hide your glorious self. Whatever and whoever you are, stand tall, strong and proud.

OP: EvilEvilKitten 06/15/2011 - 15:45

Posted: 17 Aug 03:40




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