OP: Is two weeks a long enough wait for sex with a new guy?

I completely disagree. Sex is not a "step". Sex is just that...its sex.

If you want sex then have sex. Don't let stigmas of society dictate how you go about your natural wants and needs. (Yes you may have your own "rules" but more then likely they are born from societies "sex is only for love" and "sex out of marraige is vulgar and sinful")

As long as he has respect for you then it shouldn't matter what his "intentions" are. If he wants you for sex but still treats you as a human being then that's good. If he is a douche after then big deal. You probably didn't have a very fun time if he only wanted you for sex and didn't have any care for you.

Ill tell you though if he just wanted sex he would have probably tried guilting or pushing you into sex. Sure blow jobs are nice but they don't compare to sex. I would be pretty frustrated after 2 weeks of no sex.

Ducy

Posted: 09 Oct 03:21

> I am 20, he is 22, we have been seeing each other for almost 2 weeks. I have rules on myself so I haven't had sex with him yet. So since then we have been been doing oral to each other.

Less than two (2) weeks and you are engaging in oral (and hand jobs?), already? What is the rush? Why not take time to fool around and make out, first for several weeks/months, beginning with Necking, progressing to Petting, on to Heavy Petting, all before ever getting to the Foreplay stage? Sex for sex sake is OK if this is all you want at this stage; however, your entire post seems to asking if he "cares" for you.

If you want to get to know him, what better way than to see how he makes love and arouses his partner? Does he whet your appetite in the morning before leaving by whispering in your ear (directly or over the telephone) what he would like to do with you at the end of the day when he returns?

Does he send a greeting card, or, place one where you will find it during the day?

Do the two of you make out for at least half an hour, or more within reason, before doing oral? If not, you are rushing and certainly not becoming as turned on and aroused as you could be by taking things much more slowly.

There are several articles on all this that you, and certainly he, should read about how to make out, make love, and later, have sex. If you two are fooling around for less than this or not much at all before foreplay activities, you need a good education on how to do all this.

> I am trying to see if he wants me for just sex or actually cares about me....I feel that he does, but I doubt myself because I have been played by guys in the past before just for one thing.

Please read the article regarding establishing trust. That guys have played you in the past does not mean that any of us will in the future.

> I am just wondering if anyone has advice or how long they waited before they have sex with a new guy.

You just answered your question, above. Do what feels right, yet do not rush right in and give him everything so quickly. Take several weeks, or a month or two or so, and learn about each other personally as well as romantically. Explore, slowly and learn together. You might also want to read the article on experience.

> And yes a condom will be used

A condom is insufficient. If you do not want to become a single mother, then you should be using some form of highly reliable form of birth control and looking out for A#1--you. If your boyfriend does not want to become a single father, then he should definitely be wearing a condom and looking out for A#1--himself. As back up the two of you should be using a third method--a spermicide in addition. No one method is full proof! Please do not try to fool or tempt Mother Nature as she can smite thee.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

dancingdoc2

Posted: 09 Oct 03:21

Add vaginal spermicide in you before the condom and do whatever you wish.

Brandye

Posted: 09 Oct 03:21

> I am trying to see if he wants me for just sex or actually cares about me....I feel that he does, but I doubt myself because....

> I want it soon too, but I feel it's an important step in dating? Does anyone agree?

How can giving this guy or any guy sexual favors in under two weeks help you determine what his character is? It seems to me that the proper approach would be to get to know each other emotionally and intellectually, first and foremost before anything else.

When I talk to others about dating and the importance of dating many different people with the purpose of learning about a person's character, honor-ability, values, likes, dislikes, behaviors, attitudes, goals, objectives, quirks, etc., would give you more information into a person's interest in you than what you look like undressed--or, that you let him get his jollies without really knowing each other very well. Experts tell us that when a woman gives herself to a man prematurely that she does not hold herself in very high esteem. Whether this is true in your situation or not, it is worth thinking about and understanding.

Please read the articles that discuss dating and also how to make out.

I do not know how you can dial things back now that you know each other intimately--in a physical way, in order to build a relationship step-by-step in the correct way. Perhaps just being up front and honest with the guy would be best by telling him that you want to get to know each other better before pursuing a sexual relationship or more, a romantic relationship.

dancingdoc2

Posted: 09 Oct 03:21

Yegods woman - what's so wrong about "just for sex"?? You sound like enjoying sex for friendly fun is like getting your teeth pulled!

The first time I have sex with a man is as soon as I can talk him into it, which is to say, usually the second time I see him - having set up the 'second date' specifically TO have sex with him.

I don't waste my time building a relationship with men who aren't suitable to begin with and part of being suitable is knowing how to have and enjoy sex with me.

Consider if I had gone to all the effort to build a relationship and only later on had sex with him - only to find him horrible. Do I keep him? Do I teach him? Do I kick him to the curb? Whichever way I decide - I've spent all that time building a relationship (emotional investment) that isn't going to last.

My way, we both know almost immediately if a relationship is even possible. If it isn't, well - we can shake hands and say goodbye - no emotional investment - no harm, no foul.

Do they care about me? Not yet. Do I care about them? Not yet. It is okay to NOT seek an emotional investment before having sex with a man as long as you're properly prepared (See Brandye's post below) to have sex with him.
The caring can come later if at all. So you see, I disagree with Doc here.

But that's because the emotional involvement causes more trouble and drama than just enjoying sex with the guy. BTW the expression "getting his jollies" is repugnant - as it assumes she isn't getting hers.

Let me put something else into perspective for you. Men spend a lot of time and energy into finding women, getting a woman to pay attention to them, getting said woman to like them enough to go to bed with them, then trying to please her in bed with the aim of getting her to come back to save him from having to go find another woman and begin the process all over again. That's a lot of work. Men get rejected about what - 3/4's of the time if not most of the time? And men also know that she will reject you at almost any time for almost any reason. (I rejected a guy once because his table manners were horrific.) so you see, SHE is not the one who has to worry about whether not there's a "relationship" there- HE does. Yes, he's in his 20's now but it only gets harder for him as he ages whereas a woman usually only has to say 'yes' to get a man regardless of her age. BTW you can only 'be played' if you care about him. So don't. Make him work for your heart.

So, sweety, if you want him - take him and fear not.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 09 Oct 03:21

I don't think 2 weeks are a long time for someone to wait. I have been waiting for my new partner for about 5 months. And you just 2 weeks. :)

Posted: 23 Aug 02:36