OP: 21 year old Virgin (f)

I am 21 just like you are so maybe I can relate to some of your opinions!

I know how you feel about thinking you are going to die a virgin. I know you don't want to hear this, but you really should treasure that. Make sure you give it to someone who really deserves it. I was 17, never been kissed and never had sex. I had a crush on one of my friends and he wouldn't date me. I met his best friend and to spite him, I slept with him... one week after I met him. And that my dear is how and when I had my first 'real' kiss and minutes later, lost my virginity. Not a very lovely nor proud moment of my life but I can now look back and say I was desperate and I wanted guys to like me. Things like that happen when you are horny, lonely and you want something sooo bad. Just don't do what I do. I know you are probably sick of hearing this, but be patient... and while you are at, keep enjoying yourself! You will learn your body and what you like and when you do find the right person, they will be able to please you like there's no tomorrow!

Vixen916

Posted: 01 Oct 22:37

Just like the last post said, dont apoligize, you can ask anything on this board, and there are a lot of open minded people in here that will answer your question. No one is going to laugh at you. To be honest with you I think there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21 years old. It's not such a bad thing.

Maybe you're putting yourself out there the wrong way. Try new things. Dont just lay back and wait for a guy to confront you, maybe you should be the one to confront them. It might sound weird or you might even be scared at first but you'll get the hang of it after a while. Just be daring and go out there.

There is someone out there for everyone, you just have to find them. It might not be now but you WILL find them, just give it some time. Don't worry everything will be just fine

Stephanie083099

Posted: 01 Oct 22:37

i was also in that kind of situation.My first real kiss was with 19 and i lost virginity with 20.And i don´t regret!!!
I was waiting for a real love and i made all that with him,so my advice is just to not worry so much about it.I used also to worry about but when everything is behind you ,one day,you will see you were worrying without any reason!
Being virgin is not bad thing and waiting for someone special to give it away is the best thing you can do for him and yourself!
Don´t worry!
Every half of apple has another half!

flower

Posted: 01 Oct 22:37

i agree w/ all the other posts. i too never really had boyfriends in high school or anything. i was always real shy and never dressed or looked like the other girls in school.i had a few guys id date for like 2-3 weeks then they would just kind of fizzle. i didn't have a real kiss till i was like 16 i guess, but i didn't lose my virginity till i was 22 to the guy im w/ now and have been w/ for over 2 yrs. ironically we met online and talked there for a year or so and finally met and just hit it off. he's the only guy ive ever been w/ but i have no regrets. i consider myself lucky to have found love my first real try. so like everyone else said dont give up hope b/c you'll have your time soon enough

demonbuttercup

Posted: 01 Oct 22:38

i hope this doesnt insult u, because it is in no way meant to be insulting. i was very much like you are now, only at a much younger age. i also lost my virginity because i was lonely horny, and thought id never get anything more than the pleasure of my own hand. i regret it deeply, but its shapped my life and for that i am grateful, without it i wouldnt be in the same position that i am in today, if u take a look at life, and se things you dont like then just remeber that they cant be that bad cause its what has got u where u are, and its the choices u make now that effect where yo are going to be.

so the bulk of this is that i think you need more confidence in yourself. we all have times when we are down and think that we are destined to be alone and unwanted, but most of the time this is because its a vicious circle, if we feel unwanted, then people avoid us naturally. if you have a problem with confidence, try looking in the local papers for singles fancy dress parties, put on a costume, with a mask to help u be anonimous, go along and meet new people, act like the girl u most admired all through your childhood, and go away at the end of the evening knowing that no1 there will ever know who you are, that to them u are another anonimous face whoes a great laugh. work your way up through parties like this and eventually ur confidence will build that you can go to parties like that without a costume, you can go to parties as yourself, and still be the same person who is great to be around. annonimity breeds confidence, you can acxt how you want, you can talk how you want, you can say what u want, everything is within your own grasp. theres nothing wrong with being a virgin, if you havent found someone to share it with yet, then be patient, your time will come, and then it will feel so much better for the waiting.

go out, have fun, be confident, and life will look on you brightly, good luck!

Hello

Posted: 01 Oct 22:38

I have two things to add:

First, I've read it somewhere (probably Cosmo) if you don't feel confident enough to take the steps to meet someone, make that sale or lead a discussion or whatever it is that you struggle with...... just pretend you are. Whose going to know? I'm not sure that can help you, but I've thought of that quote many times and it has given me strength more than once.

Second, my best friend in the world was a virgin until she was 25. She is adorable, smart, funny - it just never happened for her until then. She is 34 now and she is so glad it took that long. She's found a great guy and they have a wonderful relationship. She not lacking for anything even though she was a virgin until she was 25. I doubt you will either.

Jaime

Posted: 01 Oct 22:38

awwwww thanx everyone for being so nice to me! i wasnt expecting any replies

*smiles*

petrova

Posted: 01 Oct 22:38

awww. sweetie...you have nothing to be ashamed of...so ur 21 and a virgin..i was too. dont let age be a determining factor...its not important.. what is important is being and finding someone who will love and respect you that is the most important thing....after that the sex stuff just falls into place...please dont be discouraged.

hope u feel better

itpurt

Posted: 01 Oct 22:39

Although I agree with most of the comments posted, I don't think people have taken a proactive enough approach.

For starters, you are the only one who can control your happiness. Once you are happy with yourself, meeting people is much easier because you'll have confidence. You need to take charge, think positive, and start doing instead of worrying about it...

You mentioned that you are lonely, but what are you doing to try to meet people? Meeting people is not an easy task for most people, but its something you have to keep working on. You'll get better the more you do it, and you will meet great people along the way...

There are a couple good articles on the site for meeting people, and tons of websites online where you can meet people for email chat, friendship, relationships, or even sex! All it takes is some elbow grease and a little bit of time. :P

Best Wishes

cool macs

Posted: 01 Oct 22:39

i've got you beat. i'm 23. male. never had sex, never been kissed, only been on one date (went poorly) have no self confidence to get dates, women never talk to me, and i'm completly baffled and unsure of whether i'm ACTUALLY unappealing or if it's all in my head. (if you honestly don't know what the problem is, it's tough to correct it)
and frankly IT SUCKS. i'm not going to sugar coat it by any means. it's a hard way to go through life. if you make a conscious decision to wait to have sex or whatever, then that is great, you have willpower and are secure in who you are. however it is the presence of that choice that allows the voluntary virgin to be happy with thier situation. take away the person's choice, and shackle them with social anxiety or low self esteem, brought by any number of factors, abusive past, physical deformity, not being "cool" in high school, clinical depression. and the thrill of self determination felt by the voluntary virgin is replaced by the involuntary virgin's feeling of "nobody loves me" inadquacy .....i live this every day and am very familiar with this phenomenon. i in total complete honesty, am a very sad person, not "pathetic" sad, but Emotionally sad. just unhappy, lonely and feeling like my youth is slipping away. the sad feeling is always there, sometimes it gets pushed into the background but it never leaves. i'm feeling this right now, i felt it yesterday, and barring meeting the woman of my dreams sometime before tommorrow morning i'll feel it then too. it's not so much the lack of sex per se that upsets me, it's the line of logic that surrounds it: hmmmm people have sex with other people that they like or are attracted to, so if no one wants to have sex with me, no one must like me or be attracted to me. and it's this revelation that is the cause for dismay. same thing with kissing, and getting dates, when you can't get these things you start to wonder "why not?"
i wish i wasn't such a socially awkward introvert, but hey, that's how i turned out, here i am. now what?
there is something depressing for the individual who feels that thier virginity has been imposed upon them. whether we blame ourselves
("why am I so stupid/ugly/boring/shy/wierd/nerdy/such a loser?!") or some nefarious higher power (fate/God/karma/the world/the cool people hate me!") it's a really tough thing to face everyday.
but unfortunately we shy people have to pick up some of the slack too, and do a little legwork on our own if we ever want to meet anyone. ultimately we are the masters of our own fate. i'm not doing this yet, i'm still trying to "psyche myself up" to the point where i can interact with people, it's a very hard first step, but i know i need to take it, which is better then where i was before. one of these days i might just wake up and say "F*** this, i'm going to ask out five women today, if i get shot down who the hell cares, then worse case scenario, i'm back where i was before, but at least i tried."

the important thing to remember is that there are plenty of us who are just like you. so in reality you are not really "wierd" or the "only one"

in fact for all we know there are more of "us" then there are of the "regular people", i mean most of us really shy people don't go out and socialize in public very often...(i know i don't ) so we may actually be the majority!

but seriously.....
i can't say for sure that it gets better or easier, but everyone who has been here before says it does. i guess i'll take thier word for it.

there is a russian proverb that can be applied here -"hope is the last to die"

Norinco

Posted: 01 Oct 22:40

Your smart Keep it up and take your time... there is no problems with it.

nodoubt16pb

Posted: 01 Oct 22:40

Aww Petrova, you made me cry. I swear I'm just like you. Are you sure you aren't me? LOL. All I can say is that I'm 19 now, I had my first kiss in April which was right before I turned 19. It was someone I knew for just 2-3 months and decided to meet him after I had lost any other hope. I ended up calling it off with him because my heart truly wasn't in it I felt bad for involving him into my world. I've never even had a real boyfriend and that's all truth. I lied before when I said I did, that was my only lie. I was so desperate to feel wanted that I rushed to just meet anyone and I'm so glad that I'm still a virgin because I haven't even found so much as a Mr. RightNow. In elementary and high school I liked a few guys, made the effort to let them know and never got a real response. I still to this day have never been asked out. I never let it get to me, but I'm pretty sure it does because I feel like guys will never like me as more than a friend. I've been depressed and negative basically most of my life I feel, but I have friends who keep me busy enough to forget my misery for at least 5 hours a day. I never come off as a depressed person, in fact people say I'm always happy, which in my head it's a big joke. It's weird for me though because I have realized that once I actually have a shot at being with a person it actually scares me to a point where I runaway anyway. It's scary to accept the things that are there because right away you feel like it's a lie or that it won't work out. I think if you actually put yourself out there- I mean by going to social events, clubs, even the mall with some friends, and dress hot. I used to hate when people would tell me to dress a certain way to get attention because I felt like it never worked either way, but that's me, not you. i'm sure you have a better chance than I do. Petrova, you and I should chat sometime. I've made efforts to enjoy life as it is, like hanging out with friends, just doing things that make you forget about your worries. This was the year I just got crazy and took a chance at meeting people online since I don't get out as much at least long enough to get hit on. Probably the more depressing part about me is that guys who have hit on me have all been old enough to be my father and older. In fact one of them was a friend of my father's. Trust me, you're not alone at all. I think everyone here who put the effort into giving their best advice did it because they care. I know I do. I'll tell you what if you keep believing in yourself, I'll do the same for myself.

Poetic Skye

Posted: 01 Oct 22:40