OP: Straight guys... do you get hit on by gay guys often?

I doubt it. Like you said, why waste your time. Personally I've never been hit on by a gay guy, not that I'm horrified it will happen either. You just tell him like you would anybody else that you're not interested.

Cornelius111

Posted: 01 Oct 21:56

i know what you mean oberon
i posted this in the topic you were referring to

"ok, on the responses of the gay issue i agree w/ oberon. i too am from the south...Alabama, even more hick than GA or TX.
i hung out w/ a group of friends mostly guys and one of them was gay. he was a great person and would have done anything for me.
i don't understand why straight guys are always like... i like gays as long as they don't touch me or hit on me.
like oberon said before... the guys who worry about it most aren't even a gay guys type and have the least to worry about.
also, i don't get this stereotype that gay men are so horny and out of control that they just walk up to random strangers hugging them or grabbing their crotch. trying to force their sexuality on others.
thats just crazy. i mean im sure theres a few. theres a few straight guys who do that to girls. theres always an expeption.
but any gay guy ive know acted normal and went about the dating process much like straight people.
people ( especially those who live in the south or small towns anywhere) have such closed minded ideas of what certaiin things are.
their only idea of a gay man is the "one" guy in town they know and Will from will and grace. they have no other mental picture of how gay people may act or live their lives. "

demonbuttercup

Posted: 01 Oct 21:56

> Is there really an epidemic of gay men trying to seduced straight men? Or is this just something straight men are afraid might happen?

I guess is the second thing. But the thing is (just my point of view and for what i've seen), men (gay or straight) are the ones who take the iniciative, not all the time of course; but, u'll think that a man will make the first move if he is interested. Not like a women, a women will smile at you, wink, or something not as agresive as a man will do. I think that some of us just are'nt prepared to deal with our own gender at that level. Why? i don't know. I guess will have to ask the ladys on how they doit .
Now, it doesn't happen a lot that man hit on you, but believe me, it does happen.

Tjdude

Posted: 01 Oct 21:57

I'm sure it does, Tjdude (has it happened to you?), but from the way a lot of straight guys talk gay guys are waiting around every dark corner to pounce.

Thanks, demonbuttercup, I read your post in that topic as well. And you are right on the money. It also brings up another topic that has been kicking around in my head- stereotypes- but I haven't really gotten a clear enough idea of what to say to open that can of worms yet.

Now I have pretty good gaydar {lol} but even the best of us can make mistakes, I guess. And I know gays- like every other type person- can be stupid. But doesn't it occur to straight men all you have to do is say "NO"? If you want to be polite about it- and someone HAS just found you attractive-say, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm straight and really not interested."

Have any straight men had someone persist past that point?

oberon

Posted: 01 Oct 21:57

I remember some a guy, that used to work at the same place i was working like 2 yrs ago. Every one knew he was gay, because he was very open about it, but I realy didn't care, i just thougth it wasn't my bussines, and the only time i even saw him it was during lunch time. Now, most of the time, i went out to eat lunch with my g/f, because she worked there too, and i'm sure this guy saw us together as a couple. But i don't know why, one day that i went out alone to lunch, this guy approached to me while i was paying, and insisted on paying for my food, i just said no thanks, because for me it was very odd that a person that i hardly knew wanted to buy me a meal. But even after that, this guy insisted, and even invited me out to have dinner with him. After some serious words with him he got the hint that i wasn't interested. But i always wondered why did he take that chance. At that time not even a hot looking girl would have had much luck, since i was all the time with my g/f. Strange ...

Tjdude

Posted: 01 Oct 21:57

I have had that happen several times, but I certainly would not call it 'an epidemic' and no, nobody ever persisted after I politely declined.

Humble

Posted: 01 Oct 21:57

Thanks, Humble. It's nice to hear that gay men will respond to "No". lol

TJdude, that is strange. Even if you had been bi, you had an obvious girlfriend. Hitting on you at that point is at best tacky (IMO) and I hope you told him so.

Hopefully there will be more responses. I've heard about this for years. So out of almost 3000 members surely there are more than three guys who have stories. And one of them claims it never happened to him.

oberon

Posted: 01 Oct 21:58

Hmmm. I'd have to say that when I was much younger (and perhaps more vulnerable?) I had several very unpleasant experiences with this... although I guess I'd have to say in fairness that it may not have been by guys who were simply gay. They were gay and perverted - predators, really.

At the time, you can believe I had some issues with gays. But I've also come to realize that whenever you paint with a broad brush, you're probably going to make a mess.

WallyLlama

Posted: 01 Oct 21:58

Thanks, WallyLlama, that's a very enlightened view. I just found out that the guy I refered to earlier had a similar experience. Unfortunately, he blames ALL gay people.

There has been a tendancy to equate homosexual with pedaphile. Nothing could be farther from the truth. While there are homosexual pedaphiles, pedaphilia is an overwhelmingly heterosexual crime. Meaning that the perpetrator usually identifies as heterosexual.

I wonder how much role society plays in the development of such people. After all, if you feel you constantly have to hide who you are because everyone feels you are immoral and a criminal anyway, how hard is it to make the jump to actually being a criminal? It doesn't excuse it, but it may explain some of it. Hmm...something to think about.

oberon

Posted: 01 Oct 21:58

You're looking for stories about it, so i'll share my story about gay people hitting on me. I think I must exude a slightly homosexual persona or something, because I have had a few small incidences (not that they bother me that much, except to confirm that I may seem a bit like a stereotypical homosexual to people). There were a couple of incidences I had in Germany. One was in a night club where a guy came up, put his arm around me and suggested that we go back to his place for some weed and fun. I went crazy at this, jumping away from him and yelling, but this was mostly just shock. Another experience was with one of the people in the group i hung out with repeatedly flirting with me and trying to get closer to me than comfort allowed. Several of these cases happened in accompaniment with alcohol comsumption from both parties, and we know people are more flirtatious when drunk, so this was natural. And although i didn't show any reciprocation to his flirtation, I never really told him no or anything like that.
In the States I have also had several mild encounters. Twice I was eating in the school dining hall and had a gay guy ask if he could sit with me, showing more than average interest in me, but each time I showed obvious disinterest, and through the convo they realized I wasn't gay myself.
I associate this with my looks or persona because I was asked once, and my at-the-time soon-to-be girlfriend was asked by a mutual friend who was more open and discussed his friendship with other gay people, which would make me think he was possibly more familiar with homosexual personalities.

vagabondprince

Posted: 01 Oct 21:59

Thanks, vagabondprince. Those were great examples. And it seems to continue to prove my point that even if someone gay does come on to you, just say no, and move on.

I would like to point out that it might not be you are giving off "gay signals", but maybe that you are very comfortable with your sexuality. Most people find that confidence very attractive, gay or straight. And it is fairly unusual. It just means you aren't an "average" straight guy, and as the dear Martha Stewart would say, "That's a good thing." lol

oberon

Posted: 01 Oct 21:59

He he, interestingly enough I have been hit on more by gay men (not too often but sometimes) than by females (only once or twice in my entire life). This is very interesting indeed. Also, I am not sure about your theory of being comfortable with one's sexuality, since I do not fit the bill - I am extremely shy about sexual matters in real life.

Humble

Posted: 01 Oct 21:59

Not to slide this off thread, but the last couple of posts lead me to noting that many women are super-comfortable around gay men. "They make the best friends."

I can't say that I've ever probed (no pun intended, but it would be a good one) this, but it has to be the lack of sexual tension.

Surrounded by humility, I'd say that I relate well to women... and (hopefully this is obvious from posts) I'm VERY comfortable with my sexuality. More importantly, my being is not about getting laid as often as possible.

I think there's a parallel here... diminished sexual tension!

No lack of sexual energy, though. LOL

To get back on topic, I think anytime you're dealing with a person who is aggressively seeking sex, you've got tension and different people will respond differently to that tension. Anger is one response, the basic "flight or fight."

WallyLlama

Posted: 01 Oct 22:00

Wow, WallyLlama, I think you may have solved a puzzle for me.

Maybe the answer lies in our evolved yet still instinctually controlled brains. The male usually pursues the female. So when a straight man is "hit on" he feels he is being put in a female/submissive position. In most species, a confrontation between two males is usually solved by the "fight or flight" response. Maybe straight guys perceive being "hit on" as an attack on their dominance causing them to want to fight to maintain their alpha male status. Hmm...

As an interesting sidenote to this, without statistics to go on, just MY observations of gay society, I would say that the most aggressive gay people are what most would consider submissive positions. In other words- trying not to be too graphic- the person most likely to hit on some one wants to perform oral sex or receive penetration. (Sorry, there's really no way to say that without making most straight guys cringe.lol) I won't say this always holds true, but I'd bet the pecentages are pretty high. I wonder if knowing that would change the reaction from hostile to just disinterest?

oberon

Posted: 01 Oct 22:00