I have gone down on my wife but she has barely ever gone down on me. This was over 10 years ago of course and we are both 42 yrs old. We have great sex but only in bed and rarely in the shower. I love oral sex but only had it once by another woman before I was married. I hate hearing about all these guys saying how their wives or girlfriends give them blow jobs and the women saying how much they love doing it. Why do I have to have the one percent type wife that does not even think that I would want that. She goes to church but is not overly religous but that could be a background problem as religion has been known to screw up great sex. I am digressing here so I will get back on topic. My question is how do I propose to ask my wife to please me? I would gladly do so for her.
unx3
Posted: 05 Oct 21:40
more than a FEW answers to this question which has been asked before. SHORT ANSWER: TALK to her without accusing or whining. DO THE PROGRAM see at top of this section of the forum. Ask for her to reciprocate. Then whatever she decides, deal with it. Why are you talking about your wife to other guys anyway???
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 05 Oct 21:41
Sex is now just one position either her on top or missionary. Before sex she lets me bring her to orgasm with a massager. Now she does and just lets me watch and I feel like a third wheel. She doesn't like it when I touch her pussy and says it is like getting an exam. So now it is only watching her get off with the massager and then the one-position sex which happens once a week. I have asked about oral sex and she flat out refuses as she "doesn't want my dick in her mouth". When asked about other positions that was a flatout negative. She don't want to do it from behind as she "is not a dog" and hates spooning and she does not like shower sex and definitely does not like bathtub sex (and we have a large bath tub with jacuzzi jets). Am I alone here or is there other guys whose wives do not give oral sex or even go through the same issues I stated above? I would like to find out what oral sex is like again. The only time I ever had oral sex was with four other women at four different times: the first one over 20 years ago, then one 17 years ago, then one five years ago, and the latest one was over 3 years ago. As you can see the years I have been married versus the years I had oral sex which shows that I have gone out to seek it elsewhere. She goes to church so that might be part of it. I am sure other wives that go to church on Sunday give their husbands oral sex on Saturday nights or whenever. What is the norm here?
unx3
Posted: 05 Oct 21:41
Ask her about it. My wife is rather similar. She will occasionally do it while we're in a 69 but as soon as it gets a bit messy (precum stage) she is grossed out (and starts complaining about it). A rather disappointing experience.
Apart from the bj issue, is she into sex much?
PerKr
Posted: 05 Oct 21:41
So, she's being honest with you and saying what she will do and not do, and because that doesn't agree with you, you wussed out of telling her the truth and instead went out behind her back?
Did I miss anything?
Firmus
Posted: 05 Oct 21:41
Firmus identifies that she is being honest and you are the one who did not level with her. All people have limits and some women draw the line at oral. Nineteen years ago this may have been something to deal with; today, a little late. Many prostitutes will tell you that wives not performing oral sex keep them in business. In other words, you are not alone either in your wife not being willing nor in seeking it outside.
Her other actions are more concerning because they indicate that you are becoming irrelevant to her use of the massager (at least she lets you watch!). Perhaps she would be willing to seek out some marital counselling before it collapses completely - that is where this is heading.
I can assure you that there are some women sitting in church Sunday with a faint taste of semen in their mouths; there are more that never tried it and never will. Which are which is totally unpredictable. Your focus now should be on stopping the downward slide of what sex life you have left and, who knows, you could be surprised.
Brandye
Posted: 05 Oct 21:42
My marriage is not on a downward slide as we still have sex and are happy with each other otherwise. I don't go out and seek other women as you can tell the last time was over 3 years ago and all very sporadic. This would have been hard to fix 19 years ago as I was stationed in the country of Panama (not Panama City, FL) and she was stationed out in the middle of the Pacific on Johnston Island. We are both senior NCO's in Army. I did not wuss out because once she says no that is it. Unlike most guys that get oral sex I went out and found mine. I am pretty sure Firmus gets what he or she wants and probably oral sex from his or her significant other. If Firmus was in this situation he/she would be destined to do the same thing. I'm just saying. But I would like to know the norm.
unx3
Posted: 05 Oct 21:42
My statement regarding married women contributing to the livelihood of prostitutes by not performing oral sex is indicative of the "norm." A bit more scientifically, the link below will take you to a table based on 2010 research in the U.S. by the agency at Indiana University that grew out of the old Kinsey Institute - a well respected research group in the field of sexual behaviour. It indicates that among younger women, performing fellatio is more common than among older women. This tells part of the story.
Studies among teen aged women in U.K. and Australia indicate that there is great peer pressure to engage in oral sex. Other studies have shown that oral sex in more common between married couples than with hookups or more casual friends. Further studies in the U.S. have shown a recent (last ten years) decrease in all sexual activity among teens. This includes oral sex as well as vaginal intercourse.
http://www.nationalsexstudy.indiana.edu/graph.html
Historically, oral sex has risen and fallen among polite company with some women on the fringe stepping in to provide the blojobs that wives do not. Both the Kama Sutra and Perfumed Garden have descriptions and pictures of oral sex. Several Biblical verses are believed to be describing oral sex by married couples. But, the story or Onan (spilling seed on the ground) and Sodom and Gomorrha (general licentiousness) are the teachings that all three Ibrahamic religions (Jews, Muslims, Christians) have promulgated for hundreds of years. The more fundamentalist groups of all three emphasize what is acceptable sexual behaviour as determined by some groups of old men interpreting biblical teachings through their own value system. Krafft-Ebing in the late nineteenth century was the first to include (without detail) the term genital kissing in a "marriage manual." Other such publications of the time, such as Kellogg's, preached that sex was not for fun and other than him sticking it in her was unhealthy and objectionable. We are still living by those Victorian mores in much of the English speaking world and the older we are, as individuals, the more likely we are to have been tainted by those twisted values (notice my values coming through).
Whether it was the work of Helen Gurley Brown (very recently deceased), the feminist authors of Women's Room, Speedboat, Mr Goodbar and the like or the results of the Masters & Johnson studies (1960s) finding that oral sex, and even masturbation, was more common than generally believed, or the general opening up of women sexually as a result of the pill, all sexual behaviour has become more open. (That was a helluva sentence!)
So, you want a normative statement? Younger women more than older but there is a high variance in the willingness of all. My view: oral tricks must be in the quiver of any woman who does not want him to wander. Or, stated another way, men really have boring sex lives compared to those of us with more varied orgasmic response and sexual satisfaction and need the variation in ways we extract their semen.
Nothe that the table cited is "In the past year." Some numbers would be higher if the question had been "ever." For instance, homosexual behaviour among teen aged women is more common than people know but it disappears on this table from older women.
Brandye
Posted: 05 Oct 21:43
Nope I don't get it. My wife over the last 5-ish years has fallen out of liking for it, both giving and receiving. She was up front about it, as well as I. But it's just an act, not important. We don't do anal, ok, we don't do 3-ways, fine, we don't use toys, no worries. These are personal choices we worked out together as a loving couple.
Would I like it? Hell yes! I miss it a lot! But I wouldn't go out. Not once. Now I'm not saying if you all talked it out and came to an agreement where you were allowed an outside source that's totally different. I'm just not a fan AT ALL of sneaking out.
The way I look at it is this, if it's that important to you that you'd ruin your marriage (assuming it would if she found out) it should be important enough for her to understand she's "tossing you away" so to speak for denying you.
Firmus
Posted: 05 Oct 21:44
I shall try to make this clear to all of you males. There are three 'kinds' of oral sex: 1. facefucking, 2. fellatio and 3. feeding off the male. The names indicate who has the "power" in the situation 1. male, 2. either party and 3. female - he just has to take it like a man and she's not kneeling anywhere. Got it? Good.
Nuances matter and HOW you do something tells women far more than you guys might imagine so review your methods and see if a revision is in order.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 05 Oct 21:45
