OP: a load of sexual problems...please help.

Okay, I'm a 20 year old asian male, and lately I've been having a few sexual problems, which is devastating because I've finally found a great girl that I want things to work with. Everything outside of our sex life is terrific (in my humble opinion) and at the end of the school year we've discussed taking huge steps in furthering our relationship. I want to bring our sex life up to par with everything else...

Firstly, I have trouble getting it up at times. My erections seem to come and go like the wind. It might be solid when she and I are making out, and then when it's crunchtime...wet spaghetti. You can imagine a) how embarassing that is for me and b) how dissapointing/frustrating that is for her. She has been extremely tolerant with me, but who knows how much longer this'll last. Could this be some kind of medical problem? Maybe because of the size? Anxiety? Is 20 too young to be taking Viagra or something similar?

Secondly, I have stamina problems. I'm an asian, so you can imagine I'm familiar with all the penis jokes (and what sucks is that they hit home too ) At full erection, I'm 5 3/4 inches in length, and only 4 inches around. I'd say I average a couple minutes per session. My first question is are there any techniques to improve stamina? Condoms don't seem to help much (I even tried one of those "performance enhancing" condoms this morning, and it didn't help). Could someone school me on desensitizing creams and things of that nature...?

Thirdly, it takes FOREVER for me to get back up after ejaculating. Yesterday I'd say it took anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes. What is the average recovery time for a guy and is there anything I can do to improve upon this?

My girlfriend has been fairly supportive of me. But I know she wants/expects a lot more and she does makes occasional comments to vent her frustration, such as telling me that I should be able to get it up when it needs to be. I agree completely. She's been understanding about the size and encouraging at other times when I've felt like shit when giving a bad performance. No other girl I've encountered/been involved with has had this much patience for me, nor loved me as much as she loves me. My primary concern at this point is to make her happy in every way possible, and this is the area that needs the most work.

I feel a little embarassed posting all this, but I'm in desperate need of help/advice/opinions. Please help me out. Thanks.


Posted: 27 Sep 05:30


> My girlfriend has been fairly supportive of me. But I know she wants/expects a lot more and she does makes occasional comments to vent her frustration, such as telling me that I should be able to get it up when it needs to be.

first off what kind of statement of support is that? no wonder you are stressing out... geez.
ok anyways.. back to the topic. Did your problems of getting erections happen before you met her? or only now that you guys have started being sexual?
if you can get an erection its not medical and no you don't need viagra. viagra is for men who under no circumstances can get erections or get erections that aren't hard enough for penetration to happen.

A lot of guys have come here having one or more of the same problems you are having and it usually all comes down to just stressing over it. You are worried about size...which is average not below so no worries there...performance, stamina, etc. All these thoughts cloud your head and you can't perform like you want too.
Usually someone says, just don't think about it and of course that is easier said than done.
Also, a lot of things just come w/ practice and being comfortable with your partner. Im sure some guys couldn't last very long when they first started having sex, but the more they did it and got used to the sensations involved, they were better able to control their orgasms.
Also, I think recovery time is different for all guys and age has something to do w/ it.. the younger you are the less recovery time you need. I'm not a male so I don't know what the average is, but your time span sounds about right. I dunno about your g/f but if I just had sex, Im not ready again 5 minutes later. Im way to sensitive and exhausted lol. I like to "bask in the afterglow" for a little while, then build up the foreplay again and by that time 30-60 minutes has passed quite easily.

How long have you guys been together and how long have you been sexually active?? Do you have these problems when you masturbate alone?


Posted: 27 Sep 05:30

Firstly, thanks for the reply dbc.

Sadly, I don't actually know how long I've had this problem. I haven't been sexually active before her for years, and back then I wasn't really a beast either. On the contrary, I sucked as much as I do now. Sex has always been probably my worst field in terms of relationship areas and yes, that weighs heavily on my mind.

When masturbating, I know that it has the ability to get hard, but as far as sustaining the hardness for long periods of time, I'm not sure...I was never really attentive. (Edit: Meaning that I was just after the ejaculation and not paying close attention to how hard I was throughout...) I DO know that the other day I watched a porno and I struggled to even get it hard, which is weird because usually I get aroused easily by porn. Disheartening to say the least.

If my girlfriend and I had exhausting sex, perhaps she wouldn't be ready to go so soon. As I wrote, most of our sessions last only a few minutes (they have been getting longer though) and I know that that's unfulfilling. When she's telling me that she wants to go again and I can't come through, that makes me feel terrible.

We've been dating exclusively for almost three months, and sexually active for two, though there was a drop off in activity in the middle due to a pregnancy scare. Last week we were at it morning, afternoon and night, but of course I had multiple bouts of limpness...

A few more questions (maybe I should post them in another forum where there's more male traffic) but I'll pose them to you since you're here: How much control have your previous/current partners had with their penis? Yesterday I was getting head in my car from my girlfriend and she stopped off for awhile, and my erection sorta just died down. Am I supposed to be able to bring it back to life? Is it natural for my erections to just come and go so suddenly? Are there techniques that help you get yourself up when you're not really aroused?

I don't mean to come off as a whiner, but I've had girlfriends leave me because of these problems too, and I haven't cared for any of my past girlfriends even half as much as I do my current one. I'm sure a lot of this stuff is psychological, but still, how do I overcome all this? It would crush me if I'm doing everything I can to make our relationship work, and she ends up breaking up with me because of something beyond my control (which I can completely understand, but of course that doesn't make it any easier to accept).


Posted: 27 Sep 05:31

I would say this is totally possible. I mean the penis gets hard because of stimulation either physical, mental, etc.
I've only had one sexual partner, so I can't speak too much from experience.
I will say the other night, I was stroking my b/f... he was already hard before I started..lol. Anyways, he loves when I lightly tickle his back and stomach. Like just lightly run my fingers across him, he says this is SOO relaxing. Anyways, as I was giving him a HJ, I just started lightly tickling his penis, just barely brushing my finger tips all over it.... it wasn't long before he was soft.
I was like, Im touching your penis and it went soft?? LOL
he was like, its just too relaxing. So I guess to answer your question, Yes, its possible. Even me touching him, just not in a sexual way I guess, caused him to go soft. but going back to firmer stimulation got him hard again.

Im sorry that you've had g/f leave you because of these problems. Have they progressively gotten worse over the years? maybe they get worse from g/f to g/f since you then start to worry about performing, etc.
If you are starting to feel that maybe its more physical than mental, it couldn't hurt to see a DR. Maybe you could at least eliminate this or not. You might have low testosterone or some other imbalance. Do you have a sexual drive?


Posted: 27 Sep 05:31

Hah. I'm usually hard before we start anything too. Usually when I can sense that we may become intimate, be it in my car or my room or wherever, I get hard. It's just maintaining it that's difficult, specifically, maintaining between stimulation.

Thing is, I haven't had a steady girlfriend in a LONG time. I don't want to get into my whole life story, but I've always had a good rapport with women, with my sexual ability being my weakest point. When I say girlfriends, most weren't actual girlfriends, but girls I became close to and wanted to make girlfriends, but was too scared to put the girlfriend label on, but still ended up having sex with, and still ended up being hurt by. So it's not like a lot of them gave me that second, third, or fourth chance, you know? I don't know if it's gotten worse truthfully. Short sessions having always been my calling card, and my sex life was never consistent enough to notice improvement. I just always remember most sessions being a few minutes, feeling lousy afterwards, and seeing dissapointed, sometimes amused faces on my partners.

Yeah, I didn't want to see a doctor as it sounds like an embarassing ordeal, but if this continues I may. My main objective here is the continued happiness of my loving girlfriend, not the protection of my fragile ego. I have A LOT of sexual drive. My girlfriend says that I'm a horny bastard. But sometimes he just doesn't want to work for me and I want to find out exactly why, so if it's fixable, which I'm hoping it is, I can fix it. We spoke about it briefly yesterday, and I'm glad it's out in the open, but I told her I'd feel more comfortably lying in bed with her and telling her everything. She's already told me that she wants to fool around tonight, so I'll probably have an update tomorrow.


Posted: 27 Sep 05:31

Add a Reply!