It is very normal for libido's to fluctuate... diet, medication, stress and many other factors. Further, a man peaks at 18, then slowly declines... meanwhile women have a hormonal shift roughly every 7 years from their first period, peaking around the 35 range. At 27, you are likely going into your second last libido increase. I'd be willing to bet a dollar that the scenario you describe started out as a small mismatch, and got amplified heavily by you not respecting his boundaries. Relationships require compromise, but "no" to anything is a boundary that needs to be respected. You've mentioned using guilt to get sex... I can't speak for everyone, but I'd have trouble getting an erection under those circumstances. I would also give a half-ass performance to increase the rest period to the next time.
On the flip side, your desires count too... and what goes into your body is your choice and your choice alone (except perhaps while pregnant). Don't point the finger back at him, don't get into arguments about it. It's a topic that simply isn't open for discussion. If you want to please yourself, he has no right to say anything about it... and make sure to respect his masturbation - as frustrating as it might be.
Step 1: Undoing the damage
The relationship seems to have gone through a lot of strain... and it's going to need a reset before anything can improve. I'd suggest to switch gears, and exclusively take care of yourself with fingers or toys. If he wants to have a tantrum like a toddler about toys, or masturbation, suggest he seek counselling and ignore it. If he comes crawling back when he wants some, or semi-unwillingly offers himself, refuse him. He needs to rebuild his appetite, before anything can improve... and that energy needs to be focused at step 2.
Step 2: Communication
You need to go back in time and figure out how you guys got to where you are. You are going to need to listen, and talk little during the first part. He knows your primary issue... if anything, you can focus on his problems about you pleasing yourself without attacking him in the same breath. Once everyone has gotten their grievances out on the table, it's time to identify where you guys didn't communicate effectively when it would have been a small problem to deal with, and discuss how not to repeat those mistakes.
Step 3: Bringing sexy times back
You overdid it, you need to step back. Let him initiate when he wants to. Allow sessions to be short sometimes, mix up the positions, and take care of yourself the rest of the time. Again, it's not his business, and i can only assume you'd rather take of yourself than be doing it with someone that isn't sharing the same mindset about it. Be welcoming if he wants to join, but I would suggest not inviting him for at least a few months of things getting back on the tracks.
Posted: 12 Dec 22:04
