How do I lower my sex drive... [m]
Need some advice on reducing my sex drive. I’m 40+ male with my wife for 20+ years in what has become a minimal sex marriage. At this point I am looking for an affair/divorce. My sex drive for her is high, hers is none, when we have sex it is her fulfilling an obligation which is a rush job that lasts about 9 minutes with me getting off quickly before she ends it. It’s like having sex with a corps. I have 2 teenagers and don’t want their lives ruined. I need to cut down my sex drive and need suggestions as to how to do it. We have gone to therapy and she does not want to see a sex therapist. Been to many doctors and they say nothing is wrong yet she feels something is wrong medically. Any suggestions? Since this has been going on for so long and getting worse without resolution my changing is the only recourse. I am tired of masturbating to porn it just reminds me of what I am not getting and makes me very angry and bitter.
Rslnlover
Replies:
Very difficult subject...
Rslnlover, I feel so sorry for what you're going through. It hurts my heart to read how someone is willing to give up on a part of himself. A part that so many people today -right here and now- are looking to find or to retrieve. People who are stuck on meds too often do so at the costs of it slowly drowning their spirit; losing themselves. The fact that you're contemplating this sacrifice shows how desperate you must be. What irony that your blessing would become such a curse.
Medications are prescribed daily for purposes they were and weren't designed for or aren't even registered for, by legitimate and genuine doctors who believe the benefits outweigh the risks, taking the specific patient's health-status and medical history in regard. And perhaps there is such thing for you. Your body. Your life. Your choice. Your sacrifice.
Just know this: you are the foundation of your life. Your life beats inside you and evolves around you. And the only thing it asks of you is for you to shine. Lighting the lives of others. Only when you're glowing, can you warm their hearts. Could dimming your own light, really make the world a less dark place?
I wish you strength in overcoming your pains, whatever way you may decide to choose.
RedRoses
Assumptions and implications, as you understand them, may not reflect reality so I caution everyone to put their emotions aside for a moment and reconsider.
Stayiing in a marriage that is NOT meeting his physical needs, while his choice, is NOT a good choice because it doesn't lead to long-term, sustainable human happiness for both parties. Instead of two people in mutual harmony we have one person willing to medically self-mutilate in an effort to make living with the other endurable - sacrifice.
If his situation were reversed, she sacrificed for him by killing off her sex drive, how would that make him feel about himself?
EvilEvilKitten
The thing I'd be afraid of for killing mine off, is what happens a year later when she does a 180 for whatever reason? That's why I'd say don't do anything other than the simple things like reduce/remove fake porn.
Firmus
Just to be clear on this, Rslnlover was not "seeking" medication for this. For all I know, he may not even be willing to entertain that idea.
He just simply asked for advice in decreasing his sex drive and coping with his frustration. The things I thought of initially were medication, castration, or maybe some Eastern meditation solution and I didn't have any personal experience with the last two. Maybe someone else can chime in on those solutions. ;)
Obviously, this is sad and certainly not what he had envisioned for his marriage. But he has decided that divorce is not an option for him and he has tried every way imaginable to improve this situation with her. Given those criteria, I understand why he is trying to just change himself so that he won't be so frustrated by it.
I empathize completely.
ua322
IF you've read everything then you will know they have NOT tried getting her into a sex therapist's office. She refuses to go. The reasons behind her refusal would be interesting and may even be germane but we've not be informed.
Other than aging rapidly, which will naturally reduce his testosterone levels and thus naturally reduce his sex drive, his options are very few.
EvilEvilKitten