OP: Physically self-conscious

Hey there.... Even the skinny-minies out there get paranoid anxiety when it comes to sex :o I'm one of them & I'm in therapy because although I believe that others find me attractive *I* don't :( My emotionality may or may not be more severe than yours or others, but it's mine & it sucks -- I'd been really working towards some great sex a couple months ago & then all of a sudden I spiraled for the worse: I don't have any advice, but to trust your emotions & to trust the one you love.... If you want to share in sexual intimacy & your partner does too then I wish you the courage to crash through your comfort zone & achieve what you desire! GO FOR IT ;)

Maribelle

Posted: 24 Sep 04:05

Not one woman I have ever known has been totally satisfied with her body - that includes me! We are programmed through advertising, idealizing, etc, to find the problems.

Stand in from of him, do a sexy strip and watch his penis rise. Works wonders on the ego.

WOMEN ARE FAR MORE JUDGMENTAL OF OUR BODIES THAN MEN!!!!!!!

Brandye

Posted: 24 Sep 04:05

On that note Brandye, I've been wondering this for a while. ..

Is your icon a picture of yourself? Just curious -- if so I envy your figure.

But yeah. Self-esteems sucks like a bitch.

blackrosesred

Posted: 24 Sep 04:05

Brandye is right. Knowing you can get your man hard just by him looking at you is a major ego boost.

I was always self concious about my figure. I've been with my husband 10 years. (I'm only 26 btw) I've always been self concious of my body but my husband says he loves it. All I have to do is show him some boob and he gets hard instantly. It's honestly amazing how fast he gets hard. Back in the day a nice wet kiss got him going instantly.

happywifey

Posted: 24 Sep 04:06

I know the feeling. I'm painfully shy and self concious. But in my experience, guys have only said that just to get laid, then after the fact they admit that of course they want to sleep with all the under 100 lb chicks. So I come away only more depressed about myself and self concious. I've just now realized that I'm even more painfully shy and self concious than I ever thought, despite having had sex with more hot guys than anyone would ever believe I could score. I've always been playfully called a horn dog and teased by my girl friend for being "like a man" and having an insatiable sexual appetite and always checking out men. So I have had sex before, lots of it, I've had sex I thought was pretty awesome and in thinking about the best experiences I've had, I honestly can't say if I've ever got off on it or not and I don't know why. Am I really THAT intensely repressed? I guess it could be. I've been in therapy for self esteem issues and my lack of confidence all my life and it hasn't made a bit of difference at all. I mean it is nice to talk about it with professionals but I just don't feel any better about myself even though I take their advice and information to heart and do the things they ask me to do, it still doesn't change how bad I feel about myself. I've never talked about sex in therapy before though. I can't believe I'm talking about it for all the world to see when I can't bring myself to say things like this with a trusted professional. Because I know a lot of idiot guys will respond and say things about how someone like me isn't supposed to have sex, like sex, or want sex. I've been trying to come out of my shell in the past couple of years but I've also felt like there's been a shift in the universe. People seem to have gotten a lot meaner and nastier recently. So in the past couple of years I've only become much more withdrawn instead, even though I've been working very hard to try to get at least *some* self esteem and confidence. And with the increased feelings of isolation and disallowance (of sexual, emotional, or other human feelings and aspects of life), I feel additional shame for possibly having a problem with obsessions. Not many, but for instance, at the moment there is a guy that I think is so unbelievably hot that he could breathe on me from 3 feet away and I'd cream my jeans. Of course he's a celebrity I guess (something I've hated all my life up until a few weeks ago when someone suggested that I should check this guy out because she "knew I'd like him")... So of course I've tried to be reallistic and persue sex in the real world again and I've realised how I probably haven't ever gotten off, even though I've had a pretty fair share of guys I thought were hunks and guys that were good in bed and guys I couldn't get enough of. I know I can't see myself as sexual because of what everyone else thinks, and honestly I agree with the concensus or else there wouldn't be a problem. :(

hotsands

Posted: 24 Sep 04:06

I have this problem as well. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and we're in highschool, so it's really hard to deal with all of these good looking skinny girls marching around and showing it off. I feel for you, and I know it's not easy, I'm still not comfortable showing myself to him; always with the lights off and always under a blanket when we do anything...I'm so embarrassed, but what of? I mean, shouldn't I be comfortable with him by now? I guess it takes a while...a while longer.

VampireKitten

Posted: 24 Sep 04:07

Hey...I got a big jewish nose. I crumble about it, and just try to keep my head a bit up, especially in the pictures.
And with me and my guy, some do get weirded out if they do not know us. He outweighs me 3 to 1. Has 9 inches on me. I swim in his shirts and can wear them as a dress. But I know he is not with me becuase of my looks. Well...maybe becuase of my hair and my Thanksgiving turkey. But he is with me becuase he loves me. I made damn sure I'm not some trothy or arm candy to him. I took time and it took me time to trust him. And he proved himself to be a good, sweet and patient guy. And any time he would brag about me you know what he would say? He would say that I am sweet, good hearted and a best violinist he've ever heard. Only after saying that would he mention something about my looks, and even that was saying that I got long hair.
You just gotta take time and pick a good guy. Take time and make sure they want you for you. Those who will not spare you a second look are not worth your time anyways. And those who are worth your time, will make you feel beautiful. Plus, you cannot base your self-esteem on how many guys you can hook. You have to work that out for yourself and within yourself first.

LittleFury

Posted: 24 Sep 04:07

Honey don't think that you wouldn't find the right one just because your big. My brother in law is a small man. 5'5" 175lbs wet. My sister is like me and our mother, Big women. My father was a small man. The most he weighed was 155lbs. Not all men look for the small waisted, big breasted women. My hubby don't even look at women the way most men do. He just thinks that they are people. I don't have that big of a problem with my body. I do want to loose some weight. Right now I am at 280lbs +/-. I don't want to get down less then 200lbs. I like being big. I also have a large bone structure. I look at it this way I am me and nobody can change it but me. Heck the only way I got my husband was because I seduced him. Now I think he stays for my cooking.LOL
The biggest advice anybody can give you is to not only look at the bad things but look at all the good ones. I bet for every con you have about your body you can find 2 or 3 pro's about you yourself. Think about what other people have told you about you. What you look like is just a shell to hold all the beauty that lies beneath.
Like someone has said before, pamper yourself once a month. I do. I spend around fifty dollars on myself a month. I am taking Ultra90's to help me loose inches. Well I have lost 10lbs in 2 months and about 10 inches overall. I know that I will not get into a bikini next summer but that is ok. I just want to feel a little better about myself.
To be honest with you I wouldn't go out with a guy if he wanted me for what I looked like. Them type of relationships don't last.

hotlips1

Posted: 24 Sep 04:08

Hey I have an older boyfriend...and he's had many more woman that I have had men... :D And he's always telling me that I'm sexier than the ones that's he's ever been w/...throwing compliments out everywhere...

At 1st I would sit and analyze everything..is he just saying this to be nice and because he just wants sex?? Etc...etc...etc...then I come to think that if he didn't find me attractive would he still be having sex w/me or not...?? At least I haven't had a bag over my head...which I would find very offensive... :mad:

What I'm trying to say is, you need to be happy w/yourself, before you can accept compliments for others...I know I'm NOT the sexiest goddess that ever walked this planet, but in his eyes I am...so whats the harm? As long as your partner likes your 4get the thoughts of others...you aren't out there to impress anyone...So its like an attitude adjustment...

We all have different types of what we like...so just because someone things I'm HOT...some one can think that I'm NOT! And thats ok... :D For me its an ego meets reality type thing...

Does that make since? Or have I rambled on so...I'm good for that you know.. ;)

SwordSwallower0825

Posted: 24 Sep 04:09

SwordSwallower, I think you make a great point here! We need to be happy with ourselves before we can be OK with our partners, and we need to love ourselves before we can love others and accept the love of others. Being able to develop that confidence is absolutely crucial. Once we can be OK with ourselves, no one else's opinion matters, but when they do say something favorable, that's just an added boon.

browneyedgirl

Posted: 24 Sep 04:09

i am a man and i WILL respond so you just try and stop me :D

honestly i know no woman or feminist is going to believe this but here i go. i can find beauty in anybody, all they have to do is say something nice. a good personality and some sort of sex drive on her part is all i need. lucky for me i got the perfect wife. i honestly dont see ugly people, unless there *******s or gold diggers or teenyboppers (the real dumb plastic nail type *shudders*) a good person to me is beautiful. and frankly people who are shallow enough to believe true beauty comes from a fashion magazine shouldnt be counted as good dating material.

true beauty is in the eyes, the heart, and the mind. everything else is just pretty gift wrapping. seriously ladies stop worrying so much, if we dont like the way you look well most likely will be brutally honest and say so. its not like we dont pay attention.

what is with the bug eye sunglasses girls are wearing right now? its got to be one of the most rediculous fashion statements other than that 60s retro furry snowboots and hat ensomble in fall fashion, yuck! do they wana look like a lost escamo or a blonde housefly? my question to the ladies here is if you feel bad about how you look , do you really wana look like these people? just be yourselves, be your own unique sexy self. just think about it, do you really want how good, sexy, beautiful or wonderful you gals look defined by some group of elite that make money off which products you buy as a result of it?

ok well sorry for the rant there anyways, i really hope this society flaw is fixed. one way is i tell every nice girl i meet that they are pretty and compliment them, no matter how hard they try to deny it. im not hitting on them but someones got to make them feel better about themselves, even if its for 2 minutes or so. compliments and things like that stay with you sometimes for the whole day and it really makes a difference. now imagine how it would be if you got things like that everyday? wouldnt you feel so much better about yourself? law of averages says 1 million men cant be wrong if there telling you your hot. just think about it.

(before the female gender jumps on me over any of my "sexist" steriotypes just remember that i never meant to offend anyone and i take male gender steriotypes with a grain of salt so i hope you all will too.)

khyron717

Posted: 24 Sep 04:10

I don't think it's true what a lot of the girls said on here about how you have to be under 100 pounds for any average Joe to look at you. I know tons of girls who are pretty average looking, 140 pounds or so, who've had tons of boyfriends. Most girls I know aren't gorgeous, and they have boyfriends.

I'm 5'1" and about 100 pounds. I get hit on a lot, but honestly, I don't pay attention to it. It really annoys me to have people want to go out with me just on the basis of what I look like. And though I'm pretty comfortable with myself, I do have my fair share of insecurities. In the past, I've worn lots of makeup to try to fit that magazine standard of beauty. The time that I most fit into that standard was when I was unhappiest. I felt so much pressure to always fit into that very narrow standard. I didn't feel comfortable leaving the house unless I had blown out my hair, foundation, concealer, eye shadow, brow pencil, eyeliner, mascara, lipliner, lipstick, lipgloss, blush, low cut shirt. It was really debilitating. Now, I'm much more natural. I let my hair dry naturally, I just wear a little mascara and lipgloss. I don't feel like I have to wear low cut shirts and high heels all the time. And I feel so much prettier! When I wore all that makeup, even when I felt pretty it was the makeup, not me. So I couldn't really feel good about myself.

I've also always been insecure about being so petite. I've come to terms with it, but if I could change one thing about myself, I think I'd make myself a little taller. I'd be fine with being 5'2" or 5'3". It's very fashionable in our society to be 5'6" or taller.

I have a long term boyfriend, and he's my best friend and a really great guy, and we really love each other. Being in a secure, loving relationship is the best thing for my self esteem. Being cared about as a person is a lot more important than being lusted after. I know that my boyfriend thinks I'm really beautiful, but he thinks I'm a great person and he loves me and he would be with me no matter what I looked like.

Looks aren't everything. Any guy worth being with will see you for who you are. Plus, there are tons of guys who like bigger girls. Try to be confident, stand tall, and be comfortable with yourself as you are.

browneyedgirl

Posted: 24 Sep 04:10

Browneyedgirl:

You're talking to a girl who's 5'2" and 150 pounds :\.

I'm glad to know that it's not just the big people who are insecure, though.

I just feel so disgusting whenever he looks at me. I feel like he doesn't deserve a body that's less than perfect, you know? I work out a lot but as of right now my fat hasn't gone away as much as I'd like it to.

blackrosesred

Posted: 24 Sep 04:10

I would kill to be 150lbs. seriously, but I like being kind of pudgey and curvy, the guys i attract seem way less shallow and love me for me even if i gain or lose weight. I hate going on top because I feel so fat, like my stomach is my worse point, I have nice legs I think for my size. I think the worst though, is my boobs are uneven and its very noticable, I am even thinking about surgery to correct this. And its even harder when my mom and two sisters have huge breast and here i am with a B38 (which is because of my wiehgt when I am thinner my breast are nothing) and I hate showing my boobs to guys because of it. I love my body, and I want to remain at a pudgye size probablly a size 11, which i think is perfect for me, but its only the size of my breast that bother me. It even bothers me more that I am the one who is the one to blame for my breast size. Because when I was going through pubirty I was bulmic and scarfing down diet pills, so my body did not grow like it should have. ITs even harder when I know my bf loves big boobs. I dont want them to feel fake but I want to feel good about myself. I plan on exercising more and changing my diet to maintain my weight at a size I am happy at, but atm its so hard to even have sex with my bf because I fear he is so unnattracted to me, that sometimes having sex with him makes me so depressed because he has slept with a lot of girls and pretty much all of them were way tinier then me and a couple were very pretty and had gorgeous boobs.ITs gotten to the point that sometimes I just hide my body, I wear huge jackets and a hood all the time to hide myself because I feel so fat and ugly. I am really thinking about surgery or some sort of pill to help even them out or help them grow, but i dont know if its the right approach

glenna_enna

Posted: 24 Sep 04:11

Glenna, if you're boyfriend weren't attracted to you, why would he be having sex with you? EVERYONE feels pressure to be this standard of perfect, but NO ONE is! Trust me, your boyfriend wouldn't be going out with you if he weren't attracted to you and didn't want to have sex with you!

Another thing - don't hide yourself in oversized clothes! It looks so silly when girls do that. Wear clothes that show off what you do like about yourself rather than trying to hide what you don't, and you'll feel so much better!

browneyedgirl

Posted: 24 Sep 04:11