OP: She doesn't orgasm with me

I am at a total loss and need some advice. My wife and I have what I would consider a good sex life (almost every day). I shouldn't be complaining about it but she has me so frustrated I'm ready to give up. It is rare for her for her to have an orgasim. Not just from sex but from oral and anything else I'll try.

I know she masterbates so she is capable of having orgasims but she doesn't pass any information along to me. I don't believe it is to much to ask for a little guidance from her.

I have asked for help, tried to incorporate vibrators during sex and oral, tried to get her to guide my hand or just flat out show me what to do.

All I want to do is please my wife and am willing to do anything she needs to do this.

I have never had this kind of problem before with other women so I'm not sure what to think. Am I somehow being selfish in thinking she should help me.........should I just be happy with all the sex I get...........or am I just in thinking part of the enjoyment of sex is being able to see the other person experience an orgasim and the feeling of satisfaction you get with that.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:58


i very RARELY can climax from sex and when it happens i am happy but if it doesn't no big deal for me. we basically do 69 that way its exciting to both of us and most of the time I get off that way. He has learned by MY signs and getting off orally is a big thing for me so I made sure he knew how to do it, hes a pro now. Maybe sit down and talk to her see how she feels. If it doesn't bother her then just enjoy the sex! If I can't climax and my hubby tries and I just KNOW its not happeneing I tell him to forget it, sometimes it bothers him but I am also On anti-depressants and THAT does get in the way at times, I do at times have a VERY hard time finishing, but thankfully he is patient, lol. there could be alot of reasons for it.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:58

Sex should be a mutually pleasureable you are not being selfish by thinking she should help you. I mean if you getting her off is pleasurable to you, you should tell her that.

Two instances though that could explain why she is being "difficult"

She may be uncomfortable and a bit shy about telling you what gets her off (or are you sure she has ever had an orgasm. She may masturbate, but some girls masturbate and never really cum.

Or she may genuinely not care about getting off. Some women do enjoy sex without having an orgasm.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:58

Your orgasm is your issue; hers is hers. Only about one-quarter of all women experience orgasm from penetration and thrusting. About a quarter never, or rarely, have orgasms. That leaves half of us who require additional stimulation. Some, a little; some a lot of very specific kinds. I commend you for your concern and interest in making this "better" for her. The fact is that if she does not want to improve it there is nothing you can do except frustrate yourself.

She can begin by visiting a gyn who is actually interested in the patients'' sexual satisfaction. No all are, regrettably. It could be a purely physical issue that can be fixed. If not, most decent gyn's can refer to sex therapists who deal with these issues regularly. There are more women who will choose to "live with it" than who will seek change.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:58

well really as wrong as it may sound, maybe you should try holding out on her, see how badly she wants it. When she tries to get you "in the mood" simply tell her that theres no point if you can't please her, eventually she will give in and tell you what you're doing wrong if anything at all.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:59

Two wrongs do not a right make. This is not the advice I would recommend at this point in the proceedings. We're trying to make the situation better for both, not sabotage the effort--not now anyway.

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:59


That would most likely lead to a sex-free marriage.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:59

Thanks for all the input. I have tried talking to her many times and she says shes just not the type of person that feels comfortable giving me help. I must admit that really irritates me. Anyways I decided to bring it up again. She claims that she is having orgasms and just because shes not a screamer and going crazy doesnt mean shes not having one. My reply to that was I can tell when a women is having an orgasm........their legs shake and their uterus is contracting. (This rarely happens for her.) She says that is just one type of orgasm and even though that rarely happens she is still having orgasms. So my next question is that true? Can a women have an orgasm with out all the shaking?


Posted: 23 Sep 20:59


Men never can be certain. Some of our most pleasurable orgasms may appear to be no more than a sigh. We do have a range of orgasmic response from a bit of a twitter to earth shaking and screaming (although I am not a screamer). Sometimes the legs shake; sometimes they do not. The contractions may include the orgasm but are usually the sphincters and other lower abdomenal muscles. So, forget that line of thinking. And most of us are perfectly capable of convincing fakes.

The more important issue in her not being interested in giving you help. My guess is that there is something deeper that is going terribly wrong in your relationship.


Posted: 23 Sep 20:59

Now that guy is funny. To think he can tell when a women has a orgasm or not is ridiculous. We are not cut from the same mold, personally I think we are a lot more complex given our emotions. Just because she doesn't have obvious convulsions, or doesn't scream out superlatives to your skills, doesn't mean she didn't have a orgasm. Women have been faking it ever since time, and I haven't heard, via the media or books, one man say he can tell, other then You.

Posted: 12 Apr 23:02

Hello All,
Any idea how to tell if women is orgsam during sex?

Please advise experts

Posted: 02 Jan 02:05

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