Telling new partner about Herpes...

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I'll cut to the chase - Unfortunately, I unknowingly contracted HSV-2 about two years ago from my ex partner.

I was rather upset when I first found out I had contracted Herpes, but I have found it quite manageable, only having 4 outbreaks since the initial 'attack' over the past 2 years. I have treated each outbreak with Acciclovir medication, which got rid of the lesions in about 3-5 days.

Each outbreak has been very minor, and always in the same place. I can only describe it as a very small collection of what looks like spots on the shaft of my penis, and as I said is always in the same place. I have never experienced any pain or itching when an outbreak occurs.

I have recently entered a new relationship. We have not yet had intercourse, nor have I yet informed her that I have herpes (Still sounds horrible to say!)

However, she has performed oral sex on me once - However I had no outbreak, and the last one was about 3 months ago. I feel rather ashamed that I did not tell her of my condition at the time...

The relationship is very rapidly heading towards having intercourse... which has left me incredibly nervous and worried that I may be rejected... I have foolishly let myself fall head over heels for this new girl. And I've almost convinced myself that she will not want to continue the relationship, and I will end up being hurt.

I am also now left rather confused...

I have read, and been told that for example; I could have sex with a person who does not have HSV, and providing that I am not currently suffering from an outbreak, there is a very minimal chance that the other person would contract HSV. Additionally, taking the Acciclovir medication is also supposed to help. I've heard it being compared to chicken pox, in that it just lies dormant in the cells and can only result in infection if the host is suffering an attack? Obviously wearing a condom reduces chances of infection further.

Other sources state that any kind of intercourse, whether medication or condoms are being worn can definitely result in infection.

I don't know if its a case by case thing? My infections have certainly been very minor from what I can gather - I don't know if that has any bearing on the situation?

I'm not sure how to go about telling her... I don't want to appear to be 'selling' the idea, making it out not to be a big deal - As it is an STD at the end of the day... However, from what I can gather, it's the least intrusive one to have.

Can anyone provide me with some concrete answers or additional material to read? All thoughts welcomed...

I suppose, in short - Is a sexual relationship with my new partner going to result in her becoming infected? I think I already know the answer to this - but are there any ways to reduce/minimise it?

Please help...

From a very silly-head over heels-confused-worried chap.

Thanks

Anonymous

Replies:

I shall assume you are in the States. The CDC website has a complete herpes information section that is quite good and very understandable. Read it and discuss the issue with your doctor or STD clinic. Herpes is not the end of the world.

That said, if had sex with you and later found out that you had knowingly put me at risk, you would be history. Instantly. She must be told; it is the only ethical thing to do. Perhaps your doctor would discuss the situation with her.

Transmission is from active lesions. Problem is the lesions are sometimes active before you discover the discomfort or see them. If they are limited to the shaft of your penis, they are covered by a condom. If there are lesions among your pubic hair, these, too, can cause transmission and are not covered by a condom.

Only the doctor who is caring for you can get more specific and most will discuss this with partners.

Brandye