You have taken your boyfriend's need for privacy for granted and now it has come to bite you in the butt. You assumed he would be alright with you dishing private details because you do it, but that doesn't justify your behavior. On the other hand, he was operating under the notion that you deal with issues on your own, when in reality women are generally more forthcoming to their friends about touchy subjects than men are.

Depending on the gravity of your situation, he probably feels embarrassed or even humiliated knowing that your girls now know his deepest, darkest secrets. In all likelihood, he's worried that the people closest to you are forming an opinion about him without even knowing his side of the story. Their perspectives are biased and their advice to you might not reflect the real root of your difficulties.

You're his girlfriend, and that makes you privy to many aspects of his life, some of which he'd rather not make public. The part he plays in your life is as an intimate partner; so understandably, problems, especially sexual ones, can be a very sensitive matter. Had you given him the choice, he could have taken the opportunity to tell you what he was comfortable with you sharing.

To be fair, you didn't intend to hurt him. Plus, venting can start off innocently and end in total, unadulterated transparency. In fact, you might have needed your friends' perspectives, especially since you're experiencing a situation that you're struggling to solve. Perhaps he isn't the easiest person to get through to, or maybe your conversations get too heated to end in resolution.

When you spill your problems to your friend, one thing is certain. The time you spend sharing your thought and feelings with them, is time not spent talking with him. Find out what subject matter is off limits to your friends. Respect his right to privacy. More importantly, discuss ways that you can resolve your problems together. If your communication styles aren't conducive to working things out as a team, the trust issue will continue to rear its ugly head – and may mean the demise of your relationship!

A big sincere apology from you would not hurt to start things off on the right foot. Then try and explain your perspective, while valuing his. It's going to take some sensitive communication, time, and the ability of you both to compromise to re-build that trust that has been greatly damaged!

Posted: 17 Aug 19:55