Ok my husband and I have been married for 3 years now and the sex has been great. A few months ago we decided to bring a toy to the bedroom. Just so we could try new things to keep everything from getting old. I realized last night that I really preferred to have him or me use the toy on me than us have regular sex. I don't know if it is because he is just not big enough for me or if I am loose because of all of the regular sex activities. I am also needing some new ideas because of the fact that I am inexperienced. He has suggested that we have a threesome with a female. Which I am bisexual so for me to have sex with another woman is fine. My issues with this is that I don't want his dick in her. I can't really see how I would feel about him and her doing anything else. Plus I am really self conscious about myself. I am always second guessing myself in every way possible. Like how I look. How I do things. We have been discussing all of it but I am really needing help. I am so confused. Please help!
unexperiencedwife2010
Posted: 05 Oct 09:19
I forgot to put everything that we do or tried. Anal, oral(both), vaginal, use of toy(on me), and porn. We have tried to have cam 2 cam sex but we can't find a good website that is free. If it was one that was worth it and it didn't have any viruses or any other problems of that nature then I would defiantly use it. I love him to death and he loves me. So we are really trying hard to keep things in balance but we are struggling sexually.
unexperiencedwife2010
Posted: 05 Oct 09:19
"Plus I am really self conscious about myself. I am always second guessing myself in every way possible. Like how I look. How I do things."
STOP. Take several deep breaths. Sit down and get comfortable. Now answer me this - WHY are you always second-guessing yourself? The single most attractive factor in man or woman is JOY. Being HAPPY attracts. Your waistline is immaterial.
Next: if you and he are both enjoying sex - why do you say you're struggling sexually? This is NOT The Olympics. There are no scores given for degree of difficulty or artistic expression. Neither of you has anything to prove to anyone.
Primal desire combined with subtlety is the key to great sex. A glance, the sound of silk slithering across skin, scent on the back of his neck - oh yeah. How is it ever possible for sex to 'grow old'?
Before you continue to follow the path to kink etc. - try igniting this primal desire and then SLOWLY ramp up the anticipation. This is to say: bring your own sexual life up to this level before going any further.
EvilEvilKitten
Posted: 05 Oct 09:20
> Ok my husband and I have been married for 3 years now and the sex has been great.
"Has been", or "is"?
> A few months ago we decided to bring a toy to the bedroom. Just so we could try new things to keep everything from getting old.
There are all sorts of toys. There are vibrators, dildos, ben-wa balls, etc. et cetera, etc. Toys should be considered a fun addition to the romantic activities you normally do.
> I realized last night that I really preferred to have him or me use the toy on me than us have regular sex.
Please use your imaginations and let them run wild as the two of you "fiddle around". When you are alone, why not experiment with your toy(s), learn what feels good, then show your hubby so he can do for you what you enjoy doing for yourself. You'll now doubt discover that what he does combined with the pheromones flying between you will spike the level of your ardor not to mention his. Please keep in mind that relationships are partnerships and this includes the romantic aspects, also. Sex is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other!
> I don't know if it is because he is just not big enough for me or if I am loose because of all of the regular sex activities.
Penis' come in all shapes and sizes and much of this is determined by ethnicity. African American males tend to have very long large endowments; men of Mongoloid stock {Asian and Indigenous groups in different countries like our American Indians and Latin men) tend to have smaller shorter "equipment". Caucasian males run a wide range right in the middle! "Not big enough"? I strongly doubt this when you consider all the mixed marriages there are. More than likely, it is your technique or lack thereof....
> I am also needing some new ideas because of the fact that I am inexperienced.
Well, haven't all of us been at one time or another??
New Ideas?
1. Use your imagination and try different things. Incorporate what works, work on the possibilities.
2. As noted, above, please read the how-to articles listed in the Index, especially EEK's articles.
> He has suggested that we have a threesome with a female. Which I am bisexual so for me to have sex with another woman is fine.
This might be something to consider later, yet only after the two of you have worked on your "game" more. A three-some won't likely fix what you perceive as needing to be. The two of you need more information along with an active imagination. This is one reason many of the articles in the Index were written. "Variety is the spice of life"--not a third person so early in the game.
> My issues with this is that I don't want his dick in her.
Asked and answered, above. Also, how fair is this? How does your hubby feel about your tongue or fingers, in this other woman?? It would behoove the two of you to talk about all this and more. What is that different about his penis from a finger, etc? As I see it, only the romantic aspect it connotes. This being the case, the two of you must learn to separate love and romance from pure unadulterated raw sex!
If having his penis inside another woman continues to nag on you, ask yourself how he might feel about your tongue that normally is used to rim him, now is doing this to her? Or, your finger that sometimes massages his prostate gland now being used intimately with her? Ya gotta separate love and romance from sex for sex sake.
> I can't really see how I would feel about him and her doing anything else.
Talk to each other about this and other concerns.
> Plus I am really self conscious about myself. I am always second guessing myself in every way possible. Like how I look. How I do things. We have been discussing all of it but I am really needing help. I am so confused. Please help!
It has been many months since I last opined on the subject of appearance and/or self worth. Please understand that when a fella starts to feel smitten with a gal and desires to up the ante' and become increasingly involved with her--like asking her out on one or more dates, HE DOES SO AFTER ACCEPTING HER AT FACE VALUE INCLUDING THE PARTS NOT YET SEEN. If you want proof, just go to the mall, site down in the isle and observe all the varieties of couples walking from here to there. You'll see full figured women paired with tall scrawny, guys; vice versa, tall women/short men; vice versa, thin couples as well as stout couples, etc., et cetera, etc. So, know for certain, that your husband loves all aspects of you, just the way you are. If you begin second guessing this fact of your life, you stand a very good chance of damaging what the two of you have going for yourselves. Now, having said this, if there is something you are not happy with about you, then work on this, whether is is a weight issue, a personality quirk, or whatever. If appropriate, enlist his help and support.
When was the last time you initiated a romp in the hay? Do so more often, even if all you do is something to get his motor running.
Have you looked at the illustrated animated sexual positions I mentioned before that can be found on this site's Home Page? Try several and incorporate one or more frequently in what you are doing.
Do you always/mostly make out and have sex on the bed? If so, then go somewhere else. There is an old example from years ago about making love while you sit on a washing machine when it is in spin cycle! Go out hiking when the weather is better, take along a picnic basket and a couple of pillows and a blanket and see what develops close to but off the trail. Hint...hint.
Lastly, how long is a typical love making session? If much less than half an hour, then you need to dream up a longer to-do list of things. Regardless, learn how to make out. Revisit what "necking", "petting", "heavy petting", and "foreplay are and when to transition from one to the next.
I hope the information the two of us have provided to the two of you is of help. Do not hesitate to ask questions. The site's charter is to "pay it forward" and to help those following in our footsteps. Got questions?
dancingdoc2
Posted: 05 Oct 09:20
