Sex less fun after marriage
My Husband and I used to have hot steaming sex. While we were boyfriend and girlfriend we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Now we are married for almost two years. My sex drive has slowed down tremendously. We fight about sex all the time. He's still the same, as he says. But there have been lot of changes for me. I have a lot of issues and I'm still dealing with problems that stem from my past. I was wondering how I could get my romance back for me. Are these problems haunting me now? I've also been under a lot of stress to. Are all these things connected to my lack of sex drive? What shall I do?
Replies:
Suffering from personal issues can have a detrimental impact on your sex life. Major life changes and emotional stress can distract you from being fully present during a sexual encounter; this inhibition impacts your ability to get in synch with your partner and prevents you from completely immersing yourself in the moment.
Fighting about sex doesn’t help. Although you’re communicating your frustration, you’re not actually sharing enough information that can constructively be used to reconnect sexually. The longer you remain in this state of suffering, the more embedded both of your resentments become. Rather than viewing your dwindling sex life as another problem in your list of many, try to look to him as a source of solace and strength.
According to a recent Canadian study on sexuality, one of the most significant components of great sex is extraordinary communication; the other is transcendence, the state of overcoming your usual limits. By embracing the “growth-enhancing, healing qualities” of sex, you can begin to restore your well-being and the intimate bond you share with your husband.
If your problems are very deep-rooted it may be necessary to seek counselling to deal with them effectively. Check to see whether either your work, or your husband’s, offers free confidential counselling as part of their employee welfare package. Even if they don’t, it may be worth investing in some Sex Therapy for yourself.