OP: Dealing with a homophobe?

Hey all. One of the people I talk to alot (i wont use friend because of a broken trust issue) is extremely anti gay, probably homophobic. He doesnt know I am bi, only that im alright with anything gay. I have a tough time dealing with him, I cant cut him off (we both do some things together) and I certainly cant tell him.

I dont know how to deal with his attitude of "All gays must die!"


Posted: 30 Sep 07:58


He is simply ignorant and has likely had this ignorance trained into him by parents, school, religion or whatever. Re-education would be a very strenuous effort and, short of that, accept that he is as resistant to gays as you are to gay-haters. Stay away or learn to tolerate (and ignore) his bigotry. Bigots generally have many things they are against ignorantly. Rarely is a person anti-gay without being biased on several other things, such as being misogynist or racist.


Posted: 30 Sep 07:59

an open is required for him to change, if he doesn't have that then you are talking to a wall. you have to know him well enough if he has that capability. you can try asking what he would do if he found out that a loved one is bi/gay? he may cut off all connections to them, or he may think deeply that it doesn't matter to him because he loves this person so much who brings value to his life. all you can do is ask the questions, bring up why unless you know because he comes from the same religious school you do.

if his words bother you then tell him. you don't have to come out to him but i think it will definitely give him a good reason to think about his views. I'm not fully sure how to go about it because some will never change, and others do over time. i can tell you that people do change their views when given the opportunity, i know from experience.


Posted: 30 Sep 07:59

I agree; this guy has some deeply rooted hate and will need some shocking experience that will lign him back to acceptance. And to the utter most likelihood; you can't give him that. What I do with such people would be ignoring, like Brandye says. I stay away from them as far as possible.

But; if they ask me why the cold attitude or try to spill their homophibism/racism/etc in my proximity, I'll tell them the truth. I'm no hero -not at all!:)- I am even to be called shy at times. But I just can't stare such injustice and intolerance in the face and be quiet about it. Unless this guy is clearly some extremist, KKK, weapon on his belt kinda type, cause then I do try to hush myself and do the sensible thing: back off and leave without a word. Knowing any word I speak may burst me! I do try to be careful. Since there have been times I've been worried after my elucidation, like; that guy was a bit too musculair... There will come a time that he won't be flabbergasted by this girl suddenly spilling words against his views ;) Thst could have some nasty endings on my behalf :(

This has got nothing to do with whether you identify with the people who are being offended. It's funny how many have asked me wether I have personal experience or perhaps relatives that have been victim of hate/discrimination, cause I seem to be so passionately caring about such subjects. My reply; if I stand up for babyseals, trying to prevent them getting murdered for their fur, does this mean my grandma was a seal? :rolleyes:

Anyways; the intitial approach of staying away from him is probably most safe! And there's nothing chicken or wrong about it either; it's the sensible thing to do.


Posted: 30 Sep 07:59

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