OP: Can a man change to become monogamous?

I'm in the same boat as you. I love my man a lot but we've had some bumpy spots along the way... I am the wrong person to ask if he'll change. I just hope that my guy will. Hope can only get you so far though when (IF) the time comes that you catch him cheating. Because then what do you do, hope it's the one and only time? Ish.. these darn men. In one sense you want to love and be with him, but on the other end you don't want to get hurt. It's a matter of discussing things with him, see how he feels, and ask him straight out how much he loves you and if he can be devoted only to you. I went through that and thankfully he was honest and told me he'd do his best to try. I'd rather hear a straight 'no I will not cheat' but at least he was honest. It's not fun but the wondering ends. and it gives you a foundation to work on. Maybe he'll start to think "hey, I really do love this woman" and think before he acts. But then again, do you want to take that risk of him needing to stop and think about it? I told ya, I'm not one to talk on this subject. Just thought I'd share similar situation and tips.

Vixen916

Posted: 30 Sep 22:43

Ok so I know exactly what you are talking about. My husband and I actualy had an "open" relatinship until 2 yrs ago. I wanted to try it, I am bi sexual and so I thought I might be able to grow into it. I'm open minded. But I wasnt so confortable with it after all. So I had the same thought process...why cant I just change him. And I figured out this...you cant. He has to be willing to change for you. After so many conversations about what and why it bothered me I laid it out. I coundnt deal with it anymore and either my emotions and desires were respected he was free to go. It wasnt even an angry thing for me, I just want us both to have what we want out of life. Well, happily he decided that I was more important then his libido. Dont settle for anything less than you deserve in life. And dont live your life unhappy for anyone.

Junocozmos

Posted: 30 Sep 22:44

I have read, and re-read your question. And the thing that keeps coming to me is - don't decieve yourself. If you know, and have known that he's not been monogamous, it's most likely that there's nothing YOU can do to make him so. Especially since it seems he's not had much trouble finding other women to meet his sexual needs - knowing he's sleeping around.

Do yourself a favor, and try and protect your heart. Unless you have a fully open mind and can separate sex from love - you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

As the others have said, only HE will decide when losing YOU is more important that losing that next piece of ass. The other thing to let him know is that he's not ALWAYS going to be a superstud and "desired" by women. He's going to get old, and out of shape and lose his hair, and grow hair in his ears just like the rest of us. And while he may fight that reality (staying in shape, eating right, etc) AGE creaps in on all of us.

If he ignores that, he may find himself VERY alone, with a reputation for being untamed and infidelious and ultimatly UNHAPPY!

Oh, one final note: A cheater is a cheater. Enjoy the sex and fun, play safe, protect your heart! Untill he sees women as PEOPLE and not sexual conquests, you're investment in him will not bear fruit!

Rawbob

Posted: 30 Sep 22:44

I would say that if he feels indeed in love with you then yes... talk to him and ask him sometimes if he has these feeling... The reason why some guys have magogamous relationships is that they feel that they are missing something... talk to him and ask him if you truthfully make him all the way happy and to ever tell you if you don't. If his heart is completely in you then no he will not leave just be there for him and talk to him if he has urges. It is a very confusing thing to deal with... Reasearch online cuz i don't know ALL the answers to this hard question.

nodoubt16pb

Posted: 30 Sep 22:45

Good posts, however one thing that I must add is that a man is not (usually) going to tell you if he wants to cheat on you or if he already has. If he knows that you don't like it then he's not going to hand it to you on a platter. If you have laid down the line for him and said, no you can not cheat on me or we are over, check up on him. I know this sounds crappy, but checking up on someone can give you insight into who they are and what they are doing. Check the history on his computer, check his email. If you don't find anything - great, if you do - you know what you have to do.

sexykitty

Posted: 30 Sep 22:45