OP: I might be bi-sexual

Okay, mate, first of all... relax.

This sentence really stuck out for me:

> but for me to be one when I had no say in the matter...

Do you really think any of us had a choice?? No one I know woke up one morning and decided to be gay from that day on. There isn't any choice involved. You are what you are.

Now, for you, personally. You don't want to be bisexual? Well, you may be bisexual, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it. If you don't want to do anything with another guy, then don't. No one is going to force you. In your case, you at least have another option.

I will say that if you decide to experiment, then I doubt it's going to destroy your life. Just be honest with any potential partners and have an open mind.

It's up to you, though. It's your life.

oberon

Posted: 30 Sep 05:36

As was said up above, you may be bisexual but you don't have to act on it. I told my self for like 3 years that I wasn't that way, but after a long time of thinking and talking to gay and bi men I said to my self "you know what being bi might not be that bad".... well it's "not that bad" it's just hard to be with someone, cause i can't decided what sex i wanna be with. So i am taking some single time to hopefully find out which sex i would rather be with. I feel that you should tell you g/f the truth, and hopfull she will help you through to your happyness.

dusenman

Posted: 30 Sep 05:36

if you're still attracted to the opposite sex, and you are in a relationship with a girl you have feelings for, i can't imagine how much being bi can really change anything for you.

when you're in a relationship with someone, but are still drawn to other people, whether you're straight and are just attracted to other girls, or if you're bi and are attracted to other girls and guys, you still have to overcome the temptation to pursue interests in someone else and stay committed to your girlfriend (or if the circumstances ever change, your boyfriend). Just using myself as an example, I am in love with one girl, and want to pursue a relationship with her. But being in college there are so many other girls my age that i feel attracted to. I just have to keep in mind that my love for the one girl needs to be my one focus and forget about pursuing the physical attractions i find for those other girls. Good luck

vagabondprince

Posted: 30 Sep 05:36

dont b scared of it. you sound like...ashamed. that is not good. i recently found out i was bi...i didnt say "hey..im going to be bi" it was more of a...."i think im bi" and then it took me a while to come out about it, but its not a bad experience.

girl12

Posted: 30 Sep 05:36

There are several points that need to be made:

1. Contrary to a lot of popular thinking, being "bi" does not somehow mean you're a better and more complete person. It is not a goal to strive for and being interested in same sex relationships does not prove open-mindedness.

2. I'm definitely going to be in the minority, but it's my opinion that the feelings you describe of physical attraction are not an indicator that you should go rushing out to experiment. It is possible to have feelings and urges that don't fit your total self-image. The exceptions do not make the rule. People occasionally think sad thoughts, that doesn't make them clinically depressed. People occasionally fantasize about being somebody else, that doesn't make them schizophrenic.

3. You do have the right to make choices. You can choose to focus on your relationship with your girlfriend... a relationship that sounds quite healthy, by the way. Don't "talk yourself into" believing that occasional thoughts and attractions mean you are something or someone you are not and do not want to be, no matter how "fashionable" it sounds or how much encouragement you get.

WallyLlama

Posted: 30 Sep 05:37

Ok..my turn!

I'll join in where Wally left off:

1) Physical Attraction does NOT make you bi or gay. WHY? Because being gay or bi is NOT about where you put your penis, but where you put your HEART! Many men have come admire other men, even a bit sexually, but yet not act ont their feelings, for example, talk to any friend of yours who's a bodybuilder. He spends most of his life looking at other VERY inshape men, adminring their bodies and being envious of how they look. Some are even passionate about their feelings about body building.

2) It's just in your mind right now. Unless you're not telling us the whole story, you basically found yourself one day looking at a guy and having sexual thoughts about him. Quite frankly, i think 99% of all guys (bi/gay/sr8) have looked at a guy from time to time and wondered how big his cock was, or what he'd look like naked, etc. The real issue is how compelled to you feel to ACT on it!

A few qualifying questions:
1) How old are you
2) Have you ever masturbated with a male friend/family member?
3) What are your sexual fantasies?
4) Are you sexually active with your GF and if so, has your libido changed with her?

I'm a bit concerned over your "epiphany" regarding your "attraction" to men. You say it's not sexual in nature, yet you are worried u are bi. Perhaps you're just over reacting, perhaps you were brought up in a strict religious household and told that finding men attractive is a sin....many of which can cause this stress....but hopefully you can answer the posts here and fill us all in a bit more on what you're really thinking and feeling.

Rawbob

Posted: 30 Sep 05:37

Very interesting topic actually. Akuma I am sorry you are feeling confused but I wouldn't stress yourself to much.

The number one point that Rawbob made about being sexually attracted to the same sex does not mean you are bi or gay. I am attracted to women and I have had sex with a woman and I know for a fact I am not bi-sexual. I just don't think of women in the same way as I think of a man. For me its just a way to have some extra fun sexually. I could just as easily go the rest of my life and never be with a woman. I could not say the same for me being with a man.

I would also point out that there is no conclusive evidence that your sexual orientation does not involve a choice. I willingly choose to have sex with a woman. It had nothing to do with me genetically. Now with men that is a different matter all together for me. Ask yourself could you go the rest of your life and never want or need to have sex with a woman? Do you feel anything like that for wanting a man?

I also very much agree with what Wally said about it being "fashionable" to be bi-sexual. I belong to a swinger website and at least 90% of the women on there say they are bi-curious. My ass, their men want them to be. That was the main reason I had sex with a woman. Now it worked out for me but I am not out looking to do it with other women. Well except for some online fun I am currently having.

I know a man who is bi-sexual and he really thinks and wants men even though he is happily married and loves women. I also know a couple of married men that have fantasies involving men. They haven't acted on it and it stays strictly in their fantasies where it is safe.

So, I would just give it some time and don't under any means go rushing out to do something unless you are really sure you want to. And if you do give it a try it still won't mean your bi-sexual. Unless it becomes something you truly want to do and it becomes a part of who you are as a person.

Tessie

Posted: 30 Sep 05:37

1) How old are you-17 years old
2) Have you ever masturbated with a male friend/family member?-No, and would not
3) What are your sexual fantasies?-All fantasies I have ever had have involved a female or females :-P
4) Are you sexually active with your GF and if so, has your libido changed with her?-We are not having sex yet if thats what you mean by active, but we do other things.

About me saying the attraction wasnt so sexual...I mean that I do not gaze at a guy and think about having sex with him or doing anything physical, I just simply find it attractive you know?(and its very rare) I wanted to know if these are the symptoms of bi tendancies in the making, that is all the information I sought. I just dont see myself ever being with a guy, I just love women. So it simply worried me that I may have been placed on the path without my consent.

But I dunno, its starting to sound to me like I might be a straight guy who just is secure enough to admit he finds another guy "attractive" where someone else would say all men are "ugly." It all goes back to acceptance in society you know? I guess time will tell. I probably was just over reacting, the medication I'm on gets me in certain moods hehe...that was covered in an earlier thread by me where I was concerned about my sex drive if your interested in that. Thanks for the help

Akuma

Posted: 30 Sep 05:37

Hi Akuma,

Well, only you can ultimately answer the question "bi or not?" but just from what you say, I'm guessing (guessing), not.

I'm a securely gay male and yet have absolutely no problem saying that there are women that I find attractive. It doesn't make me straight... or even bi. It just means I have an opinion regarding the physical beauty of another being.

As for "bisexuality being fashionable"... did I miss something? It might be true for women... although I think most men like the idea in fantasy, but less in reality. However, I'm pretty sure that a guy saying he's bisexual is far from the ideal way to look "cool".

oberon

Posted: 30 Sep 05:38

Now I would agree with that one. The bi-guy I know would die if he was found out, where women can be totally free about it and their men for the most part are turned on with it. Especially if they can watch. I only have experience with my swinger site but I would say its at least 90% bi-curious women to maybe 5% bi-curious men.

Akuma I would say right now your not bi at all. Its normal and a sign of a smart guy that can appreciate another man without getting all weird about it. Like Oberon I can totally admire a woman and not want to have sex with her.

Tessie

Posted: 30 Sep 05:38

Yeah, like Rawbob said, that doesn't make guys gay just because you find a guy good lookin', all straight guys talk about good looking guys all the time, doesn't mean you think in a sexual way though.

I too am a little bi-curious though. I do have sexual fantasies over guys, I like to look at photos of nude men and gay porn, and I've always wondered what it's like to have a cock in my mouth since I have never done anything like that before. Would I ever do something like that if the opportunity comes to me? Sure, maybe. But I wouldn't have sex with some random man I don't know. I'll have to know him well and long enough to trust him to not tell anyone. I keep the bi-curious fantasies as a private sexual thing of mine. There's nothing wrong with that.

Greendale

Posted: 30 Sep 05:38

I guess just to underscore the point everybody else is making:

Finding someone of the same sex sexually attractive does not mean you are bi/gay. I frequently see beautiful women and realize how sexy they are, but I have no urge to have sex with them in any way. It's sort of a "sizing up the enemy" thing I guess, but I don't really consider them my enemies. I admire their sexiness and beauty and wish I could look similar. It doesn't make me gay or bi.

I've even had a dream where one of my close female friends was touching me, and while it made me uncomfortable, it was an interesting dream. I even told her about it, and she was kind of flattered. She's recently been thinking that she is bisexual. She has kissed a lot of girls, which has made me wonder what it's like to kiss a woman, and I've seriously considered doing it. But I've never thought that I was bisexual, because I've never wanted to stimulate (or be stimulated by) a woman.

I think all you have to do is ask yourself "Do I WANT to have sex with a man?" and really think about what that would mean, if the thought arouses you, etc. If the answer is "no" then you're probably, most likely, not bisexual. If the answer is "yes" then you should think about it some more and really figure out what you want; what would make you happy.

petunya

Posted: 30 Sep 05:38

I was standing in the kitchen and I realised I wanted to hold the hand of a girlfriend, and I wanted to hug her in the movies..and I'd never wanted to do any of this with a woman before.
I was 42.
She was 25.
I remember saying out loud, Bugger it Margaret, you're gay. (ok, bi)
It was a shock.
When I went and thought about it I realised I was reacting to the person, not the gender. If you analyse it right down you may find some things that you like in the opposite sex are coming through in the same gender.
With her, it was strength, a good attitude, energy, a desire to work well, and the fact that she liked me and gave me presents occasionally. We also went to martial arts so there was touching and consensual fighting involved. And we looked around for other classes too at times..so we had made our own gang.
I told hubby 6 months later. It was too important not to tell. He told me he liked her too and he could understand how I felt. By then she had moved to a new job.
I never told her how I felt..I could have ruined her life by asking her to accept me over men and marriage..and her mum would have killed me for interrupting her life. What good reasons. How sensible.
I could kick myself for never letting her know..

margaret

Posted: 30 Sep 05:39

Okay so I just got out of a relationship with a wonderful guy. He was my first boyfriend and basically my entire sexual history...for whatever reason I just havent felt the same since school started. My mom wouldnt let me out during the school week so I would see him maybe 1 time a week if I was lucky...so i think this is why. I mean how do you love someone you never see right?

Anyways before we started dating I had always been attracted to girls. Like I would see a girl and thin she is attractive. I was never really like OMFG that guys is fine I want him in me NOW! Like for instance I was watching we own the night, and I got turned on watching eva mendez fingering herself, and wound up rubbing myself off in the theater.

But then i met my ex, and I really wanted to go out with him, and to kiss me and stuff even though I had never been attracted to girls, I had always found this strange want for him to kiss me and stuff.

Well needless to say we took it slow since we were both pretty new to everything, but eventually we started fooling around. Usually he would have to intitiate it, since I was never like in the mood. but when I could feel him get hard through his pants, or I would unzip them and see it I would get wet. I loved to touch it, and for some reason when I knew he was going to shoot I couldnt help but watch it until it was done. He actually begged me to stop one night, because I kept playing with it, even when it was soft. IDK if it was a case of curiosity or perhaps the thought that I was pleasing him since I liked him to masterbate in front of me. But once it was away, it wasnt like oh Im all hot please finish me now...

I also liked having sex with him, and having him rub his penis against me, the sensation of him being inside me felt great, and after our first time, I actually intitiated fooling around, but just once.

I just dont understand. I mean I get turned on by seeing a sexy topless woman, or two girls kissing, but not by a buff guy, or a man and woman having sex. But yet my ex boyfriend would get me wet, and I could get turned on by looking at his penis. I just had a desire for woman, and a desire for him...but not other men...so yea

Sorry for a long post I jus figured honesty was the best way to get advice so yea...what do you guys think. Is it just bicurios, lesbian with a slight want for a penis or what...im just so confused.

Dazed

Posted: 30 Sep 06:59

From the way you write, I am assuming you are in your mid- to late teens. Most women do go through bi-curiousity. Some act on it and some do not but the wondering is quite natural. Some studies show that up about a third of all married women have had at least one same sex contact. In the olden days of private girls' schools, some estimated that up to half of the women had same sex experience with most going on to normal married lives.

I am actively bi-sexual and went through periods of straight, lesbian and no sex. We all follow our own paths.

Brandye

Posted: 30 Sep 06:59

This story sounds scarily familiar...

My girlfriend was like this, we broke up mid october, and she fooled around with a girl, and didnt like it, she just enjoyed the fantasy of it.

I would say try to experiment, just go out and see what it is. And how long had you been dating this man of yours? I mean was it a LTR like a year or more, or was it short term? like a month. Because [quote] Like for instance I was watching we own the night, and I got turned on watching eva mendez fingering herself, and wound up rubbing myself off in the theater.

But then i met my ex, and I really wanted to go out with him, and to kiss me and stuff even though I had never been attracted to girls, I had always found this strange want for him to kiss me and stuff.[/quote]

that kinda confuses me a bit. If it was short term maybe it was just curiosity.

Ducy

Posted: 30 Sep 06:59

What makes you think I am mid teen? I mean I am 18 but what gave it away? And I mean I have had people tell me everyone usualy goes through this, but I am just so confused since I always felt something with girls, and then my ex boyfriend comes along and like I just fell in love with his penis. But like other guys dont make me hot, and stuff. Just girls and him which is kinda extremely weird

Dazed

Posted: 30 Sep 06:59

I guess you make my point on assuming age. Not a very mature post in response to answers to your question.

I just said it is quite normal and we each sort it out on our own terms.

Brandye

Posted: 30 Sep 07:00