He likes porn too much for my liking...
I am in love with a man who is addicted to porn. We have been together for 2 years and have an otherwise good relationship and a very active sex life. I am so hurt by his continued need to view porn on a regular basis that it is beginning to affect my feelings about him, myself and our chances of having a long-term relationship. I have explained my feelings; that it makes me feel hurt and offended and that it makes what we have together seem cheapened. He says that it's not about me or even about getting turned on (yeah right!) but that it's "fun to look at" and he thinks it's unfair of me to ask that he stops. I am not a prude by any means! I had Playgirl magazines before we got together and definitely used them to fill a sexual/fantasy/ lack-of-a-real-man-in-my-life need. I have him now and don't need to look at other men to get thrills! I have also offered to watch porn movies with him and get turned-on together which would result in mutual fun! He doesn't want to do that and is clear that he likes viewing porn on-line in our home as a solo activity. Every time I leave the house I am miserable with the knowledge that he is getting thrills from looking at raunchy, explicit, photos and videos of women that I could never hold a candle to as far as body, size of breasts and youth. I might not feel this sensitive or offended over time and as we go on, but right now, I want him to stop "needing" to see other women and mostly I want him to put my feelings above his desire to do this. Can you help me sort this out, either with myself or give him information from someone besides me, who feels that his habit is destructive to a happy relationship?
Love2BLoved
Replies:
Your feelings of insecurity are YOUR responsibility not his.
Those women are manufactured to look they way they do and will only last about 3 years in the industry anyway. In other words - they are not REAL women - they are merely female bodies. They are not "competition". He knows this because he says it is "fun". Kind of the male equivalent of the romance novel and that's precisely how YOU should regard pornography.
Everyone uses pornography their own way. His way is not necessarily better or worse than your way. Instead of fighting him - try to see what KIND of pornography he's looking at. The fact that he's not watching it with you indicates that he's indulging in fantasy. I'd bet that he's watching the kind of sex he'd never dare ask to enjoy with you. It might be interesting to find out - dontcha think?
If you are otherwise happy with him, I'd let this issue go. There is so much more to be getting on with. I've been married to the same man for 29 years now so I am speaking from experience. Porn is the LEAST of your worries.
EvilEvilKitten
EvilEvilKitten is totally right, this is a problem with you, it's something that you yourself need to deal with. I love my girlfriend, but I still have porno dvds. She knows that I have them and that I watch them, and she doesn't have a problem with it. This is something that you need to work out for yourself. That being said, I would let her join me...on occasion. But he may just need a little "me time".
cjb1981
I wouldn't worry so much about it. As stated above. he might just be embarrased by some of the things that turn him on in the video's. If you guys are having a healthy sex life, i wouldn't worry at all.
Jay Es
He knows how you feel so let him continue maybe soon he will come out of his shell and invite you to look with him and tell you what he looks at and what turns him on
One thing to remember is that it is eye candy for him and how a mans mind works is totally different from a woman’s
The more you try to stop it the more he will fide ways to hide it
As long as he knows how it hurts you it will play on him
Put a photo of yourself on his pile of playboys videos’ ect so he will be reminded that he is hurting you
foxdan
Foxdan - there's nothing here that's hurting her any more than her romance novels hurts him. Stop trying to turn her into a whiner.
The only real issue with pornography is possibly certain kinds.
EvilEvilKitten
Have you tried suggesting some alternatives to porn? Maybe you could try out some new fantasies or role-playing together, or even just have some good old-fashioned sex without any props or visuals. You mentioned that you're not a prude, so maybe there are some other things you could explore that would satisfy both of your needs.