Meeting Men...
Oh,so you think it is easy to met men? Yes and yet, no - it isn't as easy as all that. Women have several barriers to overcome before they can confidently face up to meeting men.
Presentation Issues: what to wear combined with poor body image and self-esteem issues AND the whole 'will he think I'm a slut' thing.
Protection Issues: will I end up dead in a ditch come morning? Hurt feelings may happen.
Selection Issues: how and when to say yes and how and when to say no and is it ever okay to say OMG HELL NO!??
First things first, How you present yourself will determine which men you draw to your side. Dress poorly in cheap, ill-fitting, tawdry clothing and you will draw a lower order of man. Get drunk and those lower order of men will flock to you. Is that what you want? If so, fine. If not, then listen up.
Wear the appropriate clothing for the event and the venue. If it fits well, coordinates and is of decent quality, it is good enough. Do not show more than a moderate amount of skin. Never ever ever get drunk.
Slacks, a sweater (jumper for you UK people) and a pair of kitten-heeled ankle boots (all matching in color usually black) along with interesting earrings is my usual "hunting outfit". In the heat of a DC summer evening however, a black sleeveless sheath dress just above the knee, with black stockings and black stiletto pumps with 3 inch heels - all black, of course, with those interesting earrings works just fine. I can't tell you how many speeding tickets I've gotten out of wearing that outfit - I just open the door of my big SUV and stretch that leg down - he's toast. A little proper conversation and then I'm told to drive more carefully and am on my way again.
Such an outfit does double duty. The quality sets the tone. No low life's need apply. The confidence displayed scares off those men of weak egos. Sitting there laughing and smiling and chatting with my wingwoman says HAPPY. A few discreet flirts and the thing is done.
Discreet flirts: Scan the target population provisionally selecting a few possibles. If you catch his eye, hold it for 20 seconds smile and then look to his left or right and then look away completely. For a stronger "come hither" signal wink at him before you look away. Smile, lady, smile. If he's not at your table introducing himself within 30 minutes, move on to the next.
Use your Radar. Trust your instincts! If something's not right, then he's NOT the one for you. Do NOT be desperate. Say "No, thank you." and keep on saying it until he hears it. No need to get upset or to yell. An exchange of phone numbers is enough for those men to whom you wish to say yes. "It was very nice meeting you. I'd like to see you again." should be enough to get the phone number exchange going.
You can meet men everywhere. Most men enjoy the random compliment from a fetching lady so do not fear to insert a bit flirt. You're just being social and friendly. It will chuff him up to no end and do you no harm.
Moving on to how to escape from disaster with grace.
You have a phone - USE it. It is on vibrate, you say excuse me and answer it (pretend if you haven't set up a 'save me' call in advance) become agitated and stand up, gather your things, pay your bill in a rush and repeating excuses as you head to the door get in your car and drive away. There is no need to explain further and it would be rude for him to ask. You MUST leave and leave NOW. That's all anyone needs to know. You should not have to say OMG HELL NO! but if it comes to that - go for it.
Save ME Calls: before the first date, if not using a wingwoman, have a friend call your phone 15 to 30 minutes into the date.
ALWAYS leave behind a note detailing where you are with whom (insert his contact info here) and where you're going to see/do what and when you expect to return.
Despite the dire warnings: MOST men are decent men and deserve a decent chance.
EvilEvilKitten
Replies:
Thanks EEK, excellent advice, another thing for me to remember and put into practice
raunchy gal
Great thread EEK! If I ever start dating, I'll keep it in mind.
I can't tell you how many speeding tickets I've gotten out of wearing that outfit - I just open the door of my big SUV and stretch that leg down - he's toast. A little proper conversation and then I'm told to drive more carefully and on my way again.
Ha, ha, cool! :) I usually get out of all sorts of trouble, because of my large eyes. Have you seen Puss in Boots in Shreck? That's about the idea ;) allthough it comes naturally. I only became aware of it when à friend told me: 'I need to get this done, you come with me and do the cuty-big-eyes-thing you always do?' with me responding: 'Huh, what?' I thought I was simply good at getting things done and getting out of trouble...
It is a good thing she pointed this out, cause sometimes it can be handy, sometimes it's really not. Professionally you don't want to be acting like that! Can you imagine? An intelligent woman with who you have a serious working relationship, all the sudden being Miss Eyes? That would so kill my rep!l ;p
Don't think it would be à good datingstrategy either... It probably makes me an innocent girl attracting the wrong type...
RedRoses
Ah! you're wrong, Red! Do the Miss Eyes thing when you mean MISCHIEF!
Guys love mischief.
I pretend to be sweet and innocent and cute and fluffy.
EvilEvilKitten
When i ask the men i've had relations with what it was that attracted them to me, i always hear "your personality" "what about it i reply?"and they can't pinpoint any particular part of my personality that stands out.Is there something wrong with me that i can attract men, and that they don't know exactly what it is that they like about me, and then lose interest after a couple of months with the one exception being me husband of 17yrs :(
raunchy gal
That's what many men say when they are not being truthful due to not wanting to say the wrong thing. Sorry, RG.
You are a kindhearted person and you remain so despite cruel treatment which has left you defenseless. Yet, the kindness remains untarnished! I think you're remarkable!
EvilEvilKitten
Thank you EEK,i think you are pretty remarkable too, the kind of woman i would aspire to be like. Strong, forthright and pulls no punches.
raunchy gal
Hey EEK, I don't know if there is a thread like this already, but have you considered making a "How to Meet Women" thread for us gents?
g-dubz
Here ya go:
A. Inform family, friends, and coworkers, that you are interested in dating and ask them for help. Ask if they know of anybody interested in meeting an available man. Possibly they can introduce the two of you, or, simply pass along a name and number. This is called "networking".
B. Join a social and/or professional organization that have women members.
C. Join a service organization that has both men and women members.
D. Volunteer your time to a hospital, charitable, or other organization.
E. Check the personal ads in local or nearby newspapers.
F. Participate in church activities.
G. Participate in sporting activities.
H. Take a class (either thru adult ed., or, a Parks & Rec. department).
- Use (A) with all of the above.
dancingdoc2
Guys are notoriously bad at selecting women - that is, the right women in the right way so as to get a positive response.
- Do NOT expect her to approach you however should she, be very careful about leaping before you look - face it, you're not "all that" so she must have her reasons for singling you out - best to find out what those reasons are before you get involved. Partygirls, those excessively timid, and the Crazies are to be avoided.
Note: When you approach a woman, give her enough space. This is esp important if you're much bigger than she is. Standing too close is physically intimidating to women. Never touch her, even innocently, before she touches you. NEVER. Doing either will mark you out as 'unsafe'
Shyness is a killer. Whatever else you do, do not appear shy, timid or scared and DON'T try to cover it up with some idiot line or stupid challenge "you're afraid of a younger man's stamina" or something equally idiotic. Irritating her is NOT going to get you anything from the right women.
Be able to talk like a sensible man who has some wit. Have good manners and do not presume. Keep it short but get her contact information and do not make any promises you will not fulfill as you said you would. If you said you'd call her tomorrow, then call her tomorrow. Only your death will excuse you if you don't.
Watch her body language. Women who are interested will stroke their glass slowly up and down. They will look at you and lightly touch you when they talk to you. They will be relaxed and willing to talk in sentences.
Beware silence, excuses, her being easily distracted, inattention, tension and evasiveness. All are signs that she's seeking an escape or hoping that the earth will open and swallow you up but she doesn't want to be rude and cruel by telling you to get lost.
You have to understand what a good date is for women. For men, a good date is getting laid. For her a good date is not being found dead in a ditch the next morning. No, I am not kidding. You might feel that I'm insulting you, I'm not, I'm warning you of certain facts of life. She does not know you from Adam. She is not certain she wants to know you - not yet. Be calm, be confident and do not be in a rush - be willing to earn her trust. If you relax so will she.
EvilEvilKitten