Girl I'm dating thinks I'm a 'pussy'
Hey everyone. Ive just recently starting dating a new girlfriend about a month ago now, She's aged 18 and Im 21. Everything had been going fantastically well but just recently she's started to act completely different. Before hand we have been kissing,cuddling and she's told me on a number of occasions how she loves me and thinks we are gonna last a lifetime. She has always wanted to spend time with me but as of late (especially on nights out drinking) she has been going all funny with me. We talked it over and from what I'm gathering its like she's hating that she can't do all the things she use to when she was single, she's always been the centre of attention and it seems that I'm almost a burden on her. I don't get it though as this has came completely out of the blue, some of the stuff she says its like now she's trying to purposely push me away. Ive always been a bit of a romantic and so i love to do nice things for girls. Ill cook them candlelit meals, take them out for dinner,and even with me being a musician write them songs and so what. She seemed to love the fact I was doing all this before but now Its like she's purposely upsetting me to end the relationship. She also mentioned that I'm a quote 'Pussy' and I never stand up for myself. Id love this to work out as when she hasn't got all this in her head she's such fun to be with, I feel though that the end is inevitable. Any thoughts or advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again
Redrooster
Replies:
What you should do is to DROP HER FAST. Any woman who calls a nice guy a 'pussy' should be immediately and irrevocably dropped. No need to say anything. From that point on, she no longer exists as far as you're concerned.
Next, modify your behavior when entering into a relationship. You entered into an exclusive relationship right at the start which is a huge strategic error esp at your age.
Be advised that nothing in any relationship happens out of the blue. This particular girl was exhibiting her immaturity right from the start. She was too enthusiastic. She indulged in 'future thinking'. When she found being exclusive too confining she insulted you.
Walk away.
EvilEvilKitten
Well I had a big conversation with her on the phone, I said my piece and In the end she ended up hanging up whilst crying. After an hour passed she called me back and sent me a link to an article on a site called Mind.co.uk. When she was a lot younger she was abused by her stepdad, this in turn caused her to become depressed at the age of 14. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, shes just recently stopped self harming as well. Ive read up countless articles on the topic and everything she is doing fits the bill. One minute I find we can last a lifetime and she loves me to bits, the next Im the most hated of all and Im being called every name under the sun. Im coming to the fact this is something im going to have to deal with or get out. I dont want to leave because of this, I really would like to help her but its destroying my mood.She refuses to go to the doctors and says the medication they use to give her made her feel almost dead inside. I really wanna be there for this girl,I can see its going to be a bumpy road and one hell of a rollercoaster but I believe I can do it :). Thanks for the advise kitten :)
Redrooster
Bipolar disorder can bring with it manifold problems in dealing with other people. Some do regulated on medication, stay with it and do very well. ome get help but every time they hit a high decide they are cured and dump the meds. "One hell of a roller coaster" describes it very well.
Do not make any commitment at this point. Be friends and allow both of you to mature a bit. Giving up your life to support her potentially very difficult life would be a huge price to pay. Before anyone gets too upset with this response, I am not condemning bipolar issues; I am merely saying be careful in establishing relationships.
Brandye
Well we have been dating for around over a month. Its honestly the best thing ever when shes in a great mood, but when shes in an angry mood such as calling me every name under the sun or in a sad mood Im finding it so difficult. Ive been watching a lot on how people cope with bipolar partners and its helped me to understand what Im going to go through If I wanna take this on. Im gonna try to get her to the docs again but with her already having bad expiriences with the meds its probably going to be very difficult. I guess Ive gotta take the good days when they come and try to deal with the bad ones. Just yesterday she was saying she cant wait to see me this saturday and how we can have a massive cuddle together, she then rang me at the nighttime,got angry at the fact I was gonna lift to meet her at work and not walk calling me a "lazy fucking bastard", shes now saying shes not gonna bother meeting up and is gonna go out drinking instead. Its like you said, Im just gonna see if she matures a bit and I guess in the meantime all I can do is be there for her.
Redrooster
On top of the bipolar, she has learned how to use that excuse to be manipulative. Not unusual. You are one month into a "relationship," still easily walked away from. With each passing day and each passing incident, the damage, to each of you, increases. Being there for her will mean essentially giving up much of your potentially normal life.
Evil suggested that you run away fast. I agree. Let this one pass and she will learn, possibly, something from it - at least about the manipulative part. Continuing as you are makes you complicit and will lead to a codependent and unhealthy relationship.
Brandye