Wife's Deviant Behaviour indicator of abuse earlier?
My wife and I have been married nearly 4 wondeful years. Recently we were dicussing things we did as a child that we had never told anyone before. I told her some pretty embaressing things about my sexual past from when I was a small child up to my teen years. When she told me some of hers I was shocked. She told me that when she was 9y/o and her brother was 7 y/o, she made her brother have sex with her. She says it happened on several occations. Im not talking about touching but actual penatration. She says at the time she really enjoyed it but feels quilty now. She has never told anyone about this and has never talked to her brother about it. Thats not all. She also remembers spending the night with a girl friend of hers and the two of them would hump and finger each other. This as well happened on several occations. My question is . . would she had to of been sexually abused or exposed to these things to have known how to do them at such a young age? She says she doesn't remember any abuse but we are both very curious.
ryan192
Replies:
Like most things that are frowned on by society, people don't tend to advertise or even admit that they practice any kind of so-called "deviant behaviour". This probably isn't the average person's interest, and I think I can safely say that most would consider it a little gross. But who is to say what is normal and what isn't? "Normal" is just a matter of opinion, not fact! What is normal for one person, community or society is not necessarily for another.
I have heard of this type of "exploration" more than once. It can be a one-off act, based on spur-of-the-moment inquisitiveness (say, like trying out an unusual object), or a deliberate interest in full-blown Beastiality. It most certainly is not restricted to kids! Again, I suspect both are not as unusual as some would (like to) believe; you might be amazed at what is going on behind your neighbours closed curtains - or maybe not!
Regarding what is normal:
Is this commonly accepted practice in our society? - no!
Would we want to encourage kids to carry out this specific type of self-discovery? - no!
Is it normal or healthy for kids to self-explore? - absolutely yes!
Will they find all kinds of weird and wonderful ways of carrying out that discovery? - you bet, and good for them as long as they enjoy it!
If you look again at your last (quoted) sentence, you kind of answered your own question! If everything "is wonderful with no complications" be mighty grateful that she is as self-aware as she is. There are a lot of relationships out there suffering terribly, with one or both partners sexually frigid as a result of being subjected to what our society calls a "normal" (read "close-minded") upbringing.
ItalStall
It doesnt necessarily have to mean that she was sexually abused when she was younger. I think that if she was sexually abused, even at a young age, she would remember that.
Also, when you're a child, you are curious, you like to try new things and experiment, so I wouldnt think anything of it.
I would suggest to her that she should really talk to her brother about this, and tell him how she feels, Im sure he remembers and is very uncomfortable being around her, so if she want to clear her concious, I would say to talk to him.
Stephanie083099
Yeah things like that happen to everyone as i know... things we just did and didn't really think about till later... i mean it has happened ot me too... you may want her to talk to a counciler or therapist cuz things like that ... especially if she is guilty about them need to be talked about.. also there could be a lot more that she hasn't told herself that has happened to her
nodoubt16pb