You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
Is your last name Gillette, it must be because you are the best a man can get.
I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hi. Can I domesticate you?
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
"Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" Woman: "What's that?" You: "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight."
I've been a bad boy/ girl,so spank me!
Say Baby do you mind if I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so?
I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why? Because every time I look at you I have swelling "down there"
Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?
Let's let only latex stand between our love.
(Walk up to a girl and lick two fingers and place them near her crotch. Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I know you!
So baby, do you see why the girls call me tri-pod?
Um...I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
Do you like chips? Because if you are "Frito Lay" than I am a barrel of fun!
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
Come over here and get a taste of America's Most Wanted.
Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your play toy tonight.
Did you know that I saved a girl's life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?
How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?
Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.
Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
Hey baby, I'd like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley.
Hi. I'm a dog and I need to bury my bone.
Lets skip all the bull-**** lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
Hi, sorry I don't have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . .
What'll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
Do you wanna box? [Yes.] Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.
Pick a number between 1 and 10. **** you lose now take off your clothes.
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (switch if female asking a male)
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
(wiping your face), Oh I'm sorry, (wiping your face), let me clear a place for you to sit!
Hey I see your wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.
Is your boyfriend/girlfriend here? Is s/he on the roof? (No.) Then let's go to the roof!
Wanna play "kite"? I lay down, you blow and we'll see how high you can make me.
My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .
I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.
Do you have room in your life for another friend?
Nice pants, can I test the zipper?
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.
If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?
Could you tell me where they keep the rutabagas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabaga?
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.
I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.
Hi. I'm horny.
Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What's a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?
You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What's wrong with my clothing?) They're still on.
(Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
Hi. I'm like a tropical island: hot, wet, and waiting for tourists.
Are you cold? Let me be your electric blacket. Just plug me in and I'll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
Champaine can be tickly, and so can I.
You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?
Do you remember me from the other night? Probably not, because we really hit it off.
Do you believe in Santa Claus? Do you think that if I am good this year, he'll put you in my stocking this year?
You know what they say about guys with big hands. [What] Big latex.
How can I love you if you won't lay down?
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
If I were the king, and you were the queen, in the cosmic game of chess, would you mate with me?
My cat has lovely fur. Can I see yours?
Do you like anyone else in here? Well, I guess you are stuck with me.
Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.
You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.
What do you think of Bill Clinton? (Answer...) Yeah, me too, but I try not to follow that stuff regarding Bill, Hilliary, or Monica. Want a cigar?
Damn, I know you are not on four legs, but you look faster than a cheetah.
You're on my list of things to do tonight.
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now." Put ear to watch. "It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh..." Tap watch a few times. "That's the problem... my watch is an hour fast!"
Do you want to go swimming? Damn, there isn't a pool around... But my sheets are blue?
Hi, I'm the reincarnated soul of Tai-Pong, once a starved, nude Buddhist monk. All that isolation is getting to me. Want to get down on your knees and pray?
Come on. We're leaving.
The name is Reese, and you're lookin like someone that would suck on my piece.
(Holding your nuts) Do you want "2 CDs" (see these) for a dollar?
Does God know you've escaped from Heaven? Here, come with me to my place. You can stay there until he calls looking for you.
Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
Have you ever seen Buttman's Between the Cheeks?" No, well let me demonstrate.
re you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
What's your name? That's a beautiful name. Can I ask you one single, impulsive question? Are you in love at the present moment? I'm not the type of guy to impede on another man's happiness but if the answer is "No" I'd like to continue with my rhapsody. Has anybody ever told you that you glide? (What?) It's a very special quality, every other girl in this place merely plods along but you glide, girls who glide need guys who make them "thump." (What's thump?) You think about him, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you watch the phone waiting for it to ring. Girls who glide need guys who make them "thump," I can make you "thump." Have dinner with me.
I know I can't have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in?
If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.
Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity?
Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I'll understand if you spit.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just have me a footlong.
Do you want to see the soles of your feet in the wing mirrors in my car?
Baby, I wanna take my extention cord and stick it all the way into your electrical outlet.
You have beautiful hair. But it could be better. (How?) If it were spread over my pillow.
Wanna feed my beaver some wood?
Hello, I may have just met you but I feel like I have known you all my life and I love you, what hotel room should I reserve?
Hi, do you dissect insects for scientific research? (No, why?) I thought you might want to look inside my fly.
I'll make you shiver when I deliver.
Hello, well-formed Homo sapien specimen. Would you care to depart with me towards my domiciliary residence and observe a documentary of the ontogenesis of another Homo sapien individual just prior to fertilization?
Wanna get down with me like four flat tires?
Did I mention that I'm the only person in the Guiness Book of World's Records actually able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
If you were camping and woke up with a used condom inside you, would you tell anyone? (No) Wanna go Camping?
Let's have a party in your shoes, and then invite your pants.
I'm hungry and I'm on a liquid diet.
I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.
Hey. Do you have that Hawiian Disease? What? "Comeoniwannalayya".
Posted: 04 Oct 00:27