Probable vaginismus and difficulty orgasming
My girlfriend and I have tried to have sex, but she is suffering from what she thinks is primary vaginismus, and I concur. When we try to have penetrative intercourse, she feels a sudden and involuntary clenching, and any further attempts at penetration are painful and fruitless. I suspect this is most likely due to the fact that she has had relatively little experience with her own sexuality in her life so far (she is in her early twenties). Before we began trying to have sex, she told me that she was afraid that it might hurt, and although she later decided that she wanted to have sex, I suspect her fears are still with her and may be causing this problem. I also get the impression that she has a somewhat negative internal attitude towards sex in general. (feelings of being dirty, used, genital shame, feeling generally uncomfortable)
Furthermore, she has some difficulty becoming sufficiently aroused. Ever after prolonged (45 min. +) foreplay, she often is not sufficiently lubricated to make even self-stimulation comfortable (although aroused). (we tried lube a while ago and it didn't really help much, she still wasn't aroused enough for stimulation to be comfortable) She has not been able to orgasm either with me (oral/manual stimulation & frottage) or by herself.
My questions, particularly for those who have some medical know-how, are these:
How likely is vaginismus to be overcome by waiting to become more comfortable with each other?
How helpful might muscle relaxants (GABA agonists, specifically) be in treating vaginismus?
What ideas, besides perseverance, can you recommend for helping her to achieve orgasm through masturbation?
Any other advice you can offer is of course welcome.
~Pill
Replies:
A competent sex therapist. Most gyn's can recommend one because they have encountered this before.
Answers:
1. Not likely. Vaginismus rarely goes away on its own. There is some underlying cause and that needs to be treated.
2. Muscle relaxants are not useful in treating vaginismus. GABA is popular among body builders and others who will try anything to add a little bit. It is definitely not an effective treatment for vaginismus.
3. Perseverance, without treatment, is contra-indicated. Each "failure" to allow penetration makes it more likely that the next attempt will also be a failure.
There are many sites on the net selling do it yourself books, programs, aupplements. Do not even think about buying them. Vaginismus is a serious situation that requires serious treatment. It affects very few women (perhaps 1% seriously) but can leave a woman with essentially no sex life. The sooner it is addressed, the more likely that it can be overcome.
The additional factors of sex being dirty or painful complicate the treatment. The lubrication issue may be completely unrelated; some women produce very little natural lubrication. There have been cases of years of marriage without achieving penetration. Some women cannot even use tampons and internal examination is impossible.
Brandye
Noted. I think you misunderstood my third question, though. I was asking about suggestions for how to improve her solo masturbation, not penetration.
I don't doubt that professional treatment is indeed the optimal solution. Unfortunately, getting professional treatment is easier said than done, in our case. Such things cost money, and neither of us presently have jobs that pay well enough to afford that kind of stuff.
Again, I DO realize that professional treatment is far and away the most effective solution. Supposing, however, arguendo, that it is simply not possible right now, what else can you recommend?
Out of unrelated curiosity: Why would bodybuilders use GABA agonists? We're talking about positive allosteric modulators of gamma-aminobutyric acid receptors, like diazepam or baclofen, right? Since GABA agonists tend to relax skeletal muscles, it seems as though it'd be counterproductive.
You might be thinking of gamma-HYDROXYbutyric acid, which is way more than a GABA agonist and has significant excitatory actions, so I doubt it'd be anyone's first pick for a relaxant to treat a muscle problem of any sort.
Pill
I have no idea why body builders use it - or many of the other things they dump into their bodies with complete faith in their advisors who have worked at the health food shoppe all week.
Other than professional treatment, I have nothing to suggest. As for the improvement of masturbation response, she needs to want to do that. a good site for female masturbation, in addition to this one, is clitical.com
Pill
Upon closer examination of her vulva, I began to think that she might possibly have a microperforate hymen.
I looked at her vaginal opening while she was lying on her back. She was aroused. She was also menstruating at the time, but I didn't see (or taste) any blood. About 1/2" to 1" past the labia majora, there was a whitish-pick oval of tissue which I assume to be the hymen. It did not have any visible holes in it, although there was a sort of crease that was probably actually a hole in the hymen. The crease was in the upper middle of the hymen, and it didn't really look like any diagram of a hymen I've ever seen. The diagrams usually show round holes, except in the case of an imperforate hymen, which I am sure she does not have, since she menstruates and has blood flow out of her vagina.
Now, before I go on to my questions, the good news first: She is now convinced that she should see a gynecologist, and is looking into finding one.
My questions (mostly just for Brandye, really, since she's the MD on the block) are as follows:
Does it sound like I correctly identified the hymen?
Does this sound like a microperforate hymen to you?
IF it turns out to be a microperforate or otherwise abnormal hymen, and IF it is treated successfully, how likely do you think it is that she will have developed vaginismus due to the pain of previous unsuccessful attempts at penetration?
Thanks for any information you can impart.
Pill
Stop playing doctor. You do not know what you are looking at. She is going to a gyn; let that serve as a diagnostic session. Without exam I have no idea what the condition of her hymen is. Microperforate hymens are each unique.
We think vaginismus is more in the head than in the muscles. No idea what caused her to develop it - if she has. Finding a gyn is not a major project.
Brandye