imbalanced oral servicing... he doesn't give back.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about six years and I can count on one hand how many times he's given me head. From day one of our relationship, I have continuously spoiled him with daily blowjobs. He thinks that his sexual excellence is enough to satisfy me and I don't need anything else. I explained that it's very unfair that he feels that way. In return, I started slacking up on the fellatio. I told him that if I can't get it, he can't get it. Of course, he tried to compromise but, instead found another reason to not do it. I've put on some weight since we began seeing each other and he says that he won't do it because he doesn't like my thighs and he won't be able to see my face because of my stomach. I haven't gained that much weight and he shouldn't be trying to look at my face anyway, right? Whose wrong in this situation?
fixation79
Replies:
I'm betting this goes beyond "giving head."
Just from this brief description I'd say we are dealing with a very self-centered and selfish guy. "He thinks that his sexual excellence is enough to satisfy me and I don't need anything else" is a very telling statement.
If he won't give oral, I'd say he's not sexually excellent. Blaming it on your weight borders on being abusive. He's perfect, you're not? If he said he simply hated doing it, that would be one thing. He's saying it's your fault he doesn't like it which isn't even logical. You might do well to wonder what other failings he has or may develop that will be your fault.
If I had a woman giving me daily blowjobs I can assure you I'd be bending over backwards to keep her happy!
Seriously, this sounds like a relationship with power issues. I'm sure there are guys (hard for me to imagine) who really don't enjoy giving oral - just as there are girls who don't. We should respect that, of course. We shouldn't "trade" sex, but at the same time, there needs to be some fundamental equality when it comes to pleasure and how we treat one another.
In short (too late) he may be wrong, but if you don't look carefully at what's going on with the entire relationship, that would be wrong as well.
WallyLlama
Some people just don't like giving oral. He may be making excuses and the excuses may be lame but all in all, it may just boil down to he just doesn't like giving it.
Some people just don't like to give it and they should not be forced into giving something they don't want to give. And I don't believe in the whole "if you don't give it, I won't give it" thing. I think it's silly really.
I give my guy head all the time but I've only received oral from him once. Does that bother me? Yes, because I certainly love oral and would love to receive it. But I know it's not something he really does. When I asked one time when I was going to get it, he said it was something he just didn't do.
He only gave it to me that one time because I let him do something to me that I didn't really want, but allowed it, and it turned out to be no so bad.
But just because he's not gonna give it to me unless I probably beg and plead doesn't mean I'm going to stop giving him a BJ. I love giving him BJ and I love seeing the pleasure he gets from them. It turns me on. I love the feeling of having him under my power for a little while. I love the little noises he makes and how he squirms. It's a great feeling and I'm not going to stop just because it bothers me he doesn't give me oral in return.
He's there and he's giving me something I wouldn't normal be having so I'm at least getting SOMETHING out of the situation and that's what really matters to me.
And edit: I know the excuse of not seeing your face is stupid, but some people like to look up at their partner's face when they're giving oral. I know I do.
thetease13
I agree with most of the others, that some people just don't like to give head. It's not a good idea to try to force them to.
However, blaming it on your weight gain is completely unacceptable. If he really cares about you, he will love you completely for who you are, no matter what you look like. Saying he doesn't like your thighs as an excuse sounds extremely superficial to me... he wouldn't really be looking at them while he was doing it, now would he? And as for seeing your face, two points: it's hard to see even a skinny person's face when they're lying on their back, and it's easy to see anybody's face if they just prop themselves up.
He sounds selfish and immature in my opinion, and I personally feel you should talk to him and give him a chance to show you differently, or else find somebody better. It sounds like he doesn't respect you, that he thinks you are there to please him and that's what's important. He is very wrong. He needs to take care of you just as much as you do him, even if it's finding another way to please you besides orally. Relationships are give and take, but he sounds like he doesn't give much.
I was in a bad relationship... it was my first, and I looooved pleasing him. But he didn't care about my needs at all, and it took me a long time to figure that out (yes, I was dumb and naive). Just be careful that you don't find yourself in a similar situation. Good luck
petunya