Paranoid after snooping through her email...
Hey all,
I need some advise. My and my girlfriend were very happy until she went on holiday with a hen party. She has now come back and somehow different. She says it is just holiday blues.
However, I have looked at her emails, and txt messages (wrong I know, but I need to know) and there are messages from 2 different people, one saying she is great, and can think of nothing but her etc etc, and the other saying that he can only think of her, and enjoyed waking up to her looking at the sun rise in her apartment. And that he regrets not arranging to meet up with her the next day.
Now call me paranoid, but I think at least one thing went on. I have asked her, not directly, but she says that noone that went on holiday got up to no good.
We are both in our early 30's, and she has cheated on all of her previous boyfriends, and has slept with loads of guys.
I dunno if I am being super jealous or not. I need advise.
Should I let it be, and trust her to behave, or confront her?
grazer
Replies:
well i think that is your answer right there.
i mean they say once a cheater always a cheater but then i know you try to give them the benefit of the doubt b/c people can change.
but if she cheated on all her b/f's then what would make you different. plus, the messages she got sound a little suspicious.
id definetly have a talk w/ her. i mean now a days its not only a matter of feelings but of health when partners get a little on the sly.
demonbuttercup
I woudn't beat around the bush.....if you know the name of the guy who wrote that "I loved waking up seeing the sun rise from your window".....i'd ask her about him!
If it's recent, and you can prove it.....and KNOW that it wasn't a "fantasy" email.....then confront her.
Either way..it sounds like you're going to get hurt..so why drag it out!
Rawbob
Aah, I see we've trotted out the old double standard...lol. Men who sleep around are STUDS, but women who sleep around are SLUTS. Hmmm, doesn't really seem fair to me.
Cheating is a different matter entirely. For your situation, grazer, I'd almost say it doesn't matter either way. If you don't trust her, then what else is there? I have some experience with this situation in a past relationship. I am quite disgusted with myself that it took feeling the hood of his car to prove he hadn't been home all night and listening in on phone calls. For myself, I have decide that it I ever get those suspicions again, THAT is the time to decide that the relationship is over.
Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear. And it IS just my opinion.
Good luck and take care.
oberon
I would definately talk to her. I would let her know that your picking up on a vibe that's definately different then before she went on holiday. Let her know that it's not fair to either one of you to keep up this charade and it's not going to do anything for the relationship either. No matter how much you feel for her knowing what you know is going to keep eating at you and that's going to do absolutely nothing positive for your relationship. Why? Because you will never trust her, you'll question if there are other things that she's keeping from you. I say nip it in the butt right now.
duckie
What they said, sorta. But I'd go with confronting her simply based on the way she's acting and treating you - leave the spy results out of it. The fact that she's done a major change is enough evidence that "something" happened, but I'd made the confrontation more of a "why do you seem to feel differently about me since holiday." You might even put a "What have I done?" spin on it.
This is called "breaking the cycle." If she has a long history of cheating, you can bet most of the guys she's cheated on handled it in a traditional manner. Since she continued to cheat, it's safe to assume that she won't do anything differently if you handle it traditionally, either.
It's my opinion that people who become determined to confront or catch a suspected cheater really haven't analyzed why they're doing it. I'd say, "think about that." Otherwise you may only prove to yourself that you're right.
WallyLlama