She cums harder from toys :(
My girlfriend of 7 years and I have a very open and comfortable sexual relationship. We talk about sex, what we like and dislike, etc. She moved out of state to finish school and we are doing the long distance thing. I bought her a vibrator for while she is away and we started to incorporate it into our love making as well as phone sex and her solo work. The thing is when we have phone sex or when we use the vibrator during sex, she seems to have a much more intense orgasm. When we have sex without, she usually orgasms, 90% or the time, and strictly through intercourse; she doesn't really like oral sex. With a vibrator she makes all kinds of noise (“OH MY GODS”), arching the back, plus they seem to just keep going … while her normal orgasms are only usually a few seconds long and while she does the same reaction it is just toned down a lot. On several occasions I have asked her if they are better and she denies it, but I feel she is just sparing my feelings. She doesn't always even want to use it during our sex, but when she's in the ‘let’s just get it on’ mood she usually wants it. There’s just no denying that her reaction and length of her vibrator induced orgasms are better. So, are they better than normal sex? Is this going to affect our sex life in the future? Or am I just being worried about nothing?
Replies:
It may help to know that you are not the only man in the world concerned that your partner may begin to like her vibrator more than you; while unfounded, it´s a common one!
Orgasms induced through penetrative sex (whether it be via you, or the God-sent vibrator), produce what we call coital orgasms. These orgasms are different from orgasms obtained via the clitoris and, as such, produce different sensations. Subjective differences have been reported in terms of the sensation experienced from a vaginal versus a clitoral orgasm. Women have reported that clitoral orgasms generally feel more physically intense and satisfying, but the sensation is localized to the vaginal area. When we look at responses to women having had vaginal orgasms, reports tend to be that the vaginal orgasm is more psychologically intense and satisfying, with whole body sensations of pleasure and elation.
You mentioned that your girlfriend experiences her orgasms solely through penetrative sex and that she does not like oral sex. While you seem to be 100% sure that your girlfriend´s orgasms are longer and more intense with the vibrator, it may just be that they are different - and perhaps what she may be experiencing here is clitoral stimulation and orgasm via her vibrator. Additionally the vibrator allows your girlfriend to be in control of the Orgasms in terms of rhythm, positioning, speed of vibration, and penetration. What I would recommend is to use what you learn (by watching her use the vibrator) to then to use the vibrator on her yourself to try and produce a similar outcome, finally using what you have learnt in both scenarios to add some tricks to your own routine!
Finally, you can rest assured that you do indeed have something that a vibrator does not have, sex with a partner (i.e. YOU) involves emotional intimacy which is absent in self (or Sex Toy) induced orgasms. What I recommend here is the same thing that I recommend for just about any concern a couple may have in their relationship, be it sexual or otherwise; talk about it! Talk through any such worries that you are having, and keep open communication about them as you explore. It is helpful to remind yourself from time to time that for women sex is very heavily emotionally bound; there is no device that can produce complete pleasure and intimate arousal the way the man she loves can.
