OP: Inconsistent drive

Apologies in advance, this is long and kind of rambles.

As background, hubs and I have been married almost 9 years. We are 40 and 41. I’m Type 1 Diabetic on an insulin pump.

My sex drive is very inconsistent. I could need it daily, or monthly. Hubs says I have an uncanny ability to simply lock it down like Fort Knox, at will. I mentioned my Diabetes above because if we subscribe to Dr. Emily Nagoski’s analogy of gas pedals and brakes, that adds a TON of potential brake pedals. Which hubs totally gets.

Even when my drive is next to nonexistent, or brakes are mandatory (blood sugar issues, that time of the month, whatever), Hubs knows that I am always willing to help him, because I don’t want him to be left in the lurch just because I’m having an issue. But the longer I decline to receive (think days to weeks at a time) he begins to get upset. He says that when I’m more engaged, when I allow myself to want it, the whole experience is better. Which I GET. Honestly.

Part of the problem is that I don’t seem to have a middle ground. When I want it, it’s like Niagara Falls. Except I can’t stand it when sex thoughts pop in at inappropriate times, and it seems like going Fort Knox is the only way to control it sometimes. He says that short term shut downs of even several days would be easier if he could be confident there’s desire waiting on the other side. But it’s like once I go Fort Knox, it doesn’t even occur to me to open back up. But then once I do, it’s like Niagara Falls again.

Reading literotica or watching videos related to my fetish seems to help, but that’s Niagara Falls. How do I find a middle ground, where I can want enough without wanting it constantly?

Posted: 05 Jan 00:16