OP: Being overweight

This is something that has been bugging me for a while and I was wondering if anyone has any comments on the topic of a woman's weight. Is it something that you consider when meeting a woman, being attracted to a woman or just generally looking at women?

The reason I ask is that my boyfriend and I are just beginning to see each other's bodies naked and semi-clothed and I feel a little (sometimes ALOT) self-conscious because I am worried that I look fatter and less attractive when not clothed. Everybody's body looks different when not hidden under clothing, no matter how skimpy a dresser they are, and I was just curious to see what the other members thought about this.

Is it merely my paranoia (and many other girl's I know) or is it something that is overlooked when you are in love/attracted to someone? I feel more comfortable in my own skin when I'm alone, and am worried about cellulite, stretch marks, scars, wobbly bits whatever when I'm naked with him.

It's not an obstacle in our relationship because he tells me I'm gorgeous and that he loves me and that is an incredible confidence boost, but is it because he loves me that he "doesn't see" the little/big imperfections? (also because we are only really starting to do this and it hasn't become an issue or topic of conversation)

Any comments would be really interesting and helpful, thanks.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:54


I've gotta say, any guy worth being with will realize that everyone has 'imperfections', as you call them.

Men, women, young, and old... Everyone has imperfections, and realizing that is one step closer to maturity.

Either way, I'm sure that in his eyes, you're beautiful. I know that for me, personally, I can't get over how beautiful my girlfriend is. I know that she gets sick of hearing it, but that's what I think, so I may as well tell her so.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:55

I admit that weight does come into consideration in the initial stages of meeting someone, but from there things can change and sometimes this isn't even the case. I just think there has to be some initial attraction of some kind, lets just say that I like my women to look some what nice and not really overweight.

I know what you're saying about being self concious because many a people I know and have dated have been the same way. And I feel that they look great, it's just something that everyone feels both men and women, but in my experiences it's been more women than men. I say listen to your boyfriend and don't be to concerned with it and as you said you are comfortable with yourself. So what's the problem here? ;)


Posted: 01 Oct 19:55

I read your post. what are you saying are you a big big girl? or are you overweight give us your height and weight.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:57

irrelevent of my height or weight or bone structure or genetic downfalls, I am self-conscious. If I weighed 50kg or 150kg, it would make no difference.

What I was asking was, your point of view not in relation to me (obviously not, you don't know me...) but to the way you view women.

What I was really asking was if your love or attraction for someone overrides the flaws they see in themselves or that others have pointed out or commented on. I am secure in the fact that he loves me and I thank my lucky stars every day for someone like him

Andy, I think it's awesome that you tell your girlfriend how beautiful she is, there are few words that can really penetrate but when the one you love and adore feels the same way about you.....WOW!!!

No problems here yet Risky, was just wonderin


Posted: 01 Oct 19:57

My ex-gf was very shy about me seeing her naked. She always wanted to have sex in the dark, and never let me saw her naked, always dress up in a hurry, and did not wanted to take a shower with me. That was all at the beggining of our relationship, but later i convince her that i realy love her, and that for me it was a big turn on to see her body, so she agree to more intimacy.
One of the things that worked for us was using candle lights at first and start taking showers together.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:58

The candlelight thing seems to be a really nice idea, that way there is light and we can see each other, but it's not garish and harsh and brutal like normal lights.....I like that idea. Thanx.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:58

> What I was really asking was if your love or attraction for someone overrides the flaws they see in themselves or that others have pointed out or commented on.

I say yes. How I feel about my partner is whats important. if he is unhappy with his body and wants to change it, then I will support him. If not,that's fine too.
No matter what I would love and care for him as he is.

If someone else wants to point out their problem with his appearance, then that is their problem. not mine. It won't make me change my mind or see him in a different light. If I love him,then I love him for the way he is and that will not change because he's either gained or lost weight.
But that's just me.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:59

Yes, I think that love does cancel out looks. Ive found that as I like someone more and more they become even more attractive than I originally thought.

Of course, you have to be attracted to them at first. But small things like a little mole or stretch marks become nothing. In fact, they are kind of cute character building things Everybody has fat, chances are he looks straight past it.

Nobody is a perfect supermodel. We all have things that make us unique. I say get naked with your BF, explore his body and let him explore yours.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:59

Thanks Log, you really did make me feel better after reading that. I do intend to overcome my inhibitions and I know only time and experience and love and acceptance (on my part) can help me do that.

I think I like my "cute character building things" a little bit more after reading that post. Thanks.


Posted: 01 Oct 19:59

don't get hung up on yourself, minor imperfections are things that we all have. I'm sure that if your boyfriend is any kind of man, he will love you for who you really are. I'm not trying to say that he will get used to your body, i'm sure that it is fine, i'm saying that it won't matter because everyone is different and that's what make the human form truly beautiful.


Posted: 01 Oct 20:00

I am going to be the heavy. Forgetting the obvious cosmetics of weight, there are serious long term health concerns. Throughour Europe and North American, obesity has become a major health issue. The real problems show up as we age.

Joint problems, heart issues, stroke, diabetes are all major health issues bot for individuals and society. All of our nations are struggling with health care for the boomers. It looks grim and only a few very wealthy and smaller population nations (Scandinavia, Switzerland) have really good systems. So, just as the youth of today meet their years of greatest need, we will be overcome by life choice illnesses.

Now, I am not talking about a stone over or below your ideal weight. I am talking about gross overweight. For your own goodm and a much longer active sex life, keep it in reason.


Posted: 01 Oct 20:01

Well, as a "woman of size" for all my life, I have to say that I've rarely had trouble finding friends or lovers once I got out of high school. I'll admit that it can limit the number of positions I can try (though I've been doing exercises and have become fairly limber!), but I don't think I'm missing too much.

I admit that I get the same anxiety when meeting a potential new lover, and there've been a few times I've sent out a pic only to not hear from the guy again, but I just figure, "Hey, it's his loss!"

Your B/F knows that there's more there than just a cute ass -- he enjoys the WHOLE person, which is what's important, right?


Posted: 01 Oct 20:04

I said this before somewhere....You are who you are, if someone accepts you for you then they will except everything about you. whether u are overweight or not, you can tell with or without cloths, like someone else had said, im sure he pictured you naked anyways so he knows in his mind what you look like naked, do be ashamed or embarrassed. you are you. and be proud of it.


Posted: 01 Oct 20:04

hm...i also had/have the same problem,but men are always joking about that.They say it is in girl´s nature to think she is fat even she is not.
I was reading somewhere that guys are not so perfectionist like the girls are.That means they don´t pay so much attention if you were eating two hamburgers and now you are feeling fat even it is impossible to see that
But if you realy feel fat and cannot live with your body,than try some sports.That will give you more self-confidence and as we know,we all need that
And practice being naked alone in front of the mirror.Try to find positive sides on your body and be proud on them.
Noone is prefect!Thanks God!


Posted: 01 Oct 20:04

This is definitely going to sound conceited, but it's my opinion.

I don't even look at guys that don't have a good body. To be considered hot to me, or even good looking, you've got to have the whole package. You just can't be hot if you don't have a good body.


Posted: 01 Oct 20:05

if your lover loves you and cares about you he shouldn't not care about your weight so much. One thing that is good is if you work out with your mate. also talk to him about it and let him know what you are going through. i think the openness in a relationship helps a great deal.


Posted: 01 Oct 20:05

Ok, i guess I'll be the shallow guy here! Body type DOES matter - especially initially! Most people, tho they don't admit it, will make initial decisions about a potential suitor based on looks and actions. And, while i will agree that our society WAY overemphasizes "thin" or even skinny, a person says alot about themselves by the way they take care of themselves (or don't).

And yes, love is blind and all that good stuff, but with most rare exceptions, being out of shape or overweight is a DECISION.

They don't have to be covergirl or gymstud type bodies, but it's really not that much of a streach to order a salad as opposed to two big macs!

Why do I say this? Well, i'm 5'8" and now weigh 150lbs and a 31" waist. 5 years ago, i was at 200, lbs with a 38" waist! I can tell you that my personal as well as my physical well-being have improved 100000%! How? No big fad diet, I simply cut back on the foods that made me fat! From fast food to a 6-pack of beer a day, i just started cutting back on my intake, and some very LIGHT excercise!

So, at the risk of belaboring this point, and most likely further irritating many others on here, I will say again - YES, body and physical apperance DOES have an impact on who i choose to date and get physical with ! If I can change my body, anyone can!


Posted: 01 Oct 20:06

I've got to agree with Rawbob. Having (stupidly) rejected women over it, and (not so long ago) having had them do it to me, body type can be a big difference, particularly when you're first meeting someone. But of course, I'd prefer a girl who's at a healthy weight than some "perfect" anorexic model...

If you're carrying the extra baggage just because you don't eat healthy and hardly ever move when you don't have to, then c'mon. Its not all that hard to watch what you eat and drop to say a 1400-1600 calorie diet and throw in 30 min of some kind of exercise a day. You'll feel better, you'll look better and be healthier! Don't tell me its not possible- about 2 years ago I weighed in at 340 lbs. Now I'm down to 230, and by the time I finish basic training after I join the Army, I'm expecting to be down to 200 or less.

Of course though, a lot of women are a bit paranoid about it.. take for example one of my friends from high school, she can't be more than a pound or 2 over her healthy weight, and she's one of the most attractive women I know. But she constantly goes on about being fat and needing to lose weight..

No one expects perfection (I hope).. but at least try to be healthy.


Posted: 01 Oct 20:06