OP: Is Virginity Sacred?

I don't believe in that someone should wait until marriage. I do how ever believe that your first time should be with someone where both of you really like each other. Whether that is a bf/gf or a long time friend. Having sex with someone who is just a fling for your first time is not a good idea in my opinion. A fling probably won't care about you and will just want to get their enjoyment out of it.

big916

Posted: 03 Oct 08:40

No. It will most likely be clumsy and embarassing.

If parents told their kids this simple truth, I don't think we would have so many issues with couples having problems after their "sacred magical super happy the stars will explode into the glory of a thousand happy birds singing praises" turned into an awkward "he couldn't get hard and it hurt too much to feel good" time.

Ducy

Posted: 03 Oct 08:40

How do you define "sacred"? Something utterly beautiful? Something that's pure? Something that needs to be treated delicately or you'd take the essence of it? Perhaps even something that you may only look at and can't touch? Something religiously or spiritually important to you? Something that holds "special powers"?

My view on virginity has changed over time:

In my teens I viewed my virginity as practical. Zero sex equals zero chance of babies and STD's. I had no desire for the act itself. I did long to love and be loved, but that I considered something totally different from the physical act of sex. I had developed a significant desire for a child, but figured it wouldn't be time for kids until after college. My hunger for knowledge overpowered. Virginity was just plain practical.

In my late teens virginity also became something uncomfortable. As some put it; it was freaking weird. Something to be ashamed of. Something to lie about to a future bf and pretend to have experience. No guy wants a virgin (fast forward; I'm glad I never did lie about it. There's absolutely no need to :))

Around age 19/20 I experienced a short period of time in which I considered virginity potentially dangerous. At age 18 I had come to realizations of how I repressed my emotions of being sexually attacked as I child. Some time later; I became much afraid that my previous bad encounters with sex would progress to rape. The longer I'd wait to lose my virginity, the more chances there would be for someone to take it from me violently. If that were to happen, there was no chance I would ever get myself to have sex voluntarily. That would much threaten any chance of a relationship and certainly children. I have seriously considered sleeping with the first guy who'd want me (luckily I didn't meet any at the time ;)). It was an irrational fear and an urge that I had to beat time, but all I needed to do was beat that fear.

Age 22, I had fallen in love. Not just with a man, but also with the beautiful power of touch, with pleasure, with the miracles of my own body. My journey was one to gain a part of myself that had been sleeping; to become a vibrantly sexual woman. Not a journey to lose; virginity.

Over time I have always wondered: Isn't it weird to identify yourself with a list of all things you have no experience with? And consider that list of "nothing" worthy? Virginity is actually a funny way of saying what you don't have. And yet you can "lose" it. Isn't that peculiar?

If there's anything that against all my expectations I find very special, joyful, pleasurable, beautiful, spiritual, pure and even healing, it would be having sex.

RedRoses

Posted: 03 Oct 08:40

God knows that we were taught even in government schools in the Hebrides. Even the government schools were religiously dominated - Prebyterian in the North and Catholic in the South.

The fact is that the hymen is an annular bit of tissue that encircles the vaginal entrance. It is quite strong at birth and slowly opens and wears away as the years go by. It's purpose is to keep stuff out of a little girls vagina and is useless once we accept responsibility for our own cleanliness. I, for one, got so tired of hearing about how I had to protect my virginity, that I decided to get rid of it to eliminate the stress of "protection." The only difference I felt the next day was relief that I could block out the tirades. Sex was not that big a deal (he had fun; I got frustrated), so I stopped after a few months. But I had nothing to "protect" whatever that meant.

Brandye

Posted: 03 Oct 08:41

Sacred? NO, virginity is not sacred. Cruel and ignorant, yes; sacred, not even close! One's first time is fumbling, can be painful, there may be some blood loss, but (and this applies to every new partner even later on) the first sex you have with someone is the WORST sex you will ever have with that person.

Just what one wants on one's wedding night - bloody, painful, fumbling bad sex - Right?

There's another thing to consider. You cannot hide when you're naked. A selfish, mean, contemptuous partner is a selfish, mean, contemptuous person. You show more than just your skin when you are naked and more than just your skill level when you have sex with someone.

But if you leave learning all of this knowledge until after you're married you could find yourself married to precisely the wrong person and, hey, too late now! You'll have to divorce him/her to get rid of him/her and that's a painful process.

No guarantees but you'll most likely make a better choice in spouse if you have some experience under your belt.

I got rid of my virginity as soon as I could talk some guy my own age into it. I have never regretted it.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 03 Oct 08:41

Dear Calliton,
I know you are. You didn't ask about a specific gender in your question. Is there anything specific you are looking for?
And does gender matter much to the question?:rolleyes:

The way I see it virginity has always been a bit of a more hot topic for women, because they could have a growing belly as a result of sex. And some that claim that a virgin always bleeds or that you can determine whether a woman is virgin by examining her vagina; NOT true!!! Other than that; is there a difference?

From a male point of view you could still be confronted with society's norms on virginity. You could think of virginity as a burden. Or consider it practical (yet be prepared; I do NOT advocate abstinence to youngsters EVER; even I carried condoms from age 15!). You could develop irrational fears regarding sex or specifically your first time. You could be confronted with a reputation and different attitudes towards sex and virginity among your peers that may influence you. You could miss out on really getting to know your partner fully prior to marriage. Your first time could be disappointing. Etc.

Btw; funny how most people say that the first sex you have with someone is the worst sex you will ever have with that person... To me it was very pleasurable and one of the most special and memorable times. If I had to make lists it certainly wouldn't be on my worst-list. My first time sex got locked in memory like the first time I ate marzipan; unexpectedly impressive, sparklingly vivid and so incredibly sweet :)

RedRoses

Posted: 03 Oct 08:41

just saying cuz people mentioned bleeding

and thanks all, you have all answered my question

Thecalliton

Posted: 03 Oct 08:42

My view on virginity has changed over time. My position until just a few years ago and after two marriages and a few relationships was that first time ever sex {making love) on a couple's honeymoon was indeed special. It was Part 2 of the wedding ceremony in which there would be a melding to the two psyches into one for a moment in time. When there was to be a first time ever with other people years later, I did not sense a joining of our two psyches. (See below.)

[quote=RedRoses]How do you define "sacred"? Something utterly beautiful? Something that's pure? Something that needs to be treated delicately or you'd take the essence of it? Perhaps even something that you may only look at and can't touch? Something religiously or spiritually important to you? Something that holds "special powers"?

My view on virginity has changed over time: [/quote]

What I did discover after that first marriage and with those relationships followed by a second marriage was that having sex did indeed make it easier to determine if this person was Ms. Right or not. Now, very much older, wiser, and, experienced, and, having gotten inside my partner's mind in other ways, I find this relationship much much better even though the "melding" has never occurred, again, since. The notion that two become as one does still happen, yet there is much to be said for appreciating our individuality.

A healthy relationship or marriage forms when two people each with a past, choose to join together to form a future that is greater than the sum of its two parts. Part of my discovery process regarding relationships is that it is not necessary to get inside my partner's head as if her brain was and extension of my own, it is in the ongoing discovery of viewpoints, our thoughts, our mutual interest in learning what we can do each day to make his/her day better--then doing it. The love we have for each other, today, is much more practical than the spirituality from an earlier time. Yes, we are religious, just more pragmatic.

[quote=EEK]Sacred? NO, virginity is not sacred. Cruel and ignorant, yes; sacred, not even close! One's first time is fumbling, can be painful, there may be some blood loss, but (and this applies to every new partner even later on) the first sex you have with someone is the WORST sex you will ever have with that person.

Just what one wants on one's wedding night - bloody, painful, fumbling bad sex - Right?

But if you leave learning all of this knowledge until after you're married you could find yourself married to precisely the wrong person and, hey, too late now! You'll have to divorce him/her to get rid of him/her and that's a painful process.

No guarantees but you'll most likely make a better choice in spouse if you have some experience under your belt. [/quote]

"Like" is a primary ingredient to be sure; however, for there to be really really intense orgasms there has to be more than a mutual admiration. "Sparks" and pheromones only fly when there is a special connection beyond simply liking a person.

dancingdoc2

Posted: 03 Oct 08:42

Yes, he was very experienced and I had zero (perhaps even -1 ;)). I was his first virgin and he considered it an honor to be part of my journey. Yes, he also has much empathy and is excellent at reading bodylanguage. The moment I shared with him my bad experiences from my childhood, he responded he saw it as his mission to make sex beautiful to me. We got very close and got to know every inch of eachothers bodies during the first 6 months. Taking babysteps to being more intimate each time. I got more in tune with my own body; had my first orgasm while cuddling with him, learned how to masturbate with him lying next to me helping me along the way, learned on my own after about 2-3 months.

I was on top the first time penetration and he gladly let me take charge. I'm very happy I did follow my primal instincts on that. Cause the first few times we attempted male superior after that, it became a mess of bodyparts :rolleyes: Our bodies simply don't line up for simple missionary. Part of the failure was that he was way too careful with me. I had to convince him that he wouldn't hurt me or make me uncomfortable if he'd fold me and that I wasn't scared to be "stuck" underneath him.

His (life)experience has certainly contributed to his skills of reading a woman, how to be more in control of his own body, be more patient, he had already learned that sex is about so much more than penetration, etc. Yet in many ways; I think it is his personality, the way I had gotten in tune with my body and the deep connection we had established prior to our first time together that made it so wonderful :)

RedRoses

Posted: 03 Oct 08:42

I think the first time should be somthing you anticipate and wait for. Thats what I plan to do atleast. Mind you I am practicing thru masterbation I have long ago broken my virginity....just not thru a real mans penis. So in my mind my virginity is still intact, if not thru the exact meaning of the word its intact in the spirit of the word.

I want my first time to be special and I have plans for my first time. However I dont expect that will be in the VERY near future. But after the first time, I dont think sex is somthing to be kept with only one person till I die. Well thats just my opinion.

tiffers

Posted: 03 Oct 08:43

It isn't the virginity that is "special" or "sacred" - what IS is the bond between the lovers involved.
Whether you've enjoyed others before then is irrelevant.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 03 Oct 08:43

Tiffers...unless you have a boyfriend who is experienced, I have a feeling you will be somewhat disappointed. Not to rain on your parade but two virgins generally have horribly embarassing times. My first time. Couldn't get it up, then I did and I couldn't get off. I tried going slow but I couldn't go slow enough to not cause pain. Neither of us could thrust proper. I still can't believe it was so terrible.

My most recent partner was a virgin, and she had actually "stopped" a few people because their attempts were so clumsy it put her off. Then I came along, wasn't a bit worried about performing, and she had a good time. But she wasn't believing it should be something "special" in fact it was in the front seat of my car in my friends driveway. Halfway through all our friends came out and shined their flashlights on the car and started cheering. It was a little embarassing but we were slightly buzzed and couldn't care enough to stop haha

Ducy

Posted: 03 Oct 08:43

Ducy well I have a sort of list of...requirments That I want my first time to be like. As well as what the first guy should be like. One of them is that I want the first guy to have extensive experiance. I was imagining a first tim that was educational as well as pleasuable. I would need a skilled lover to meet that need.

tiffers

Posted: 03 Oct 08:43

Ok just please don't let the whole "magical nights" be a requirement. Most people are severally disappointed if they believe their first time is going to be flawless and perfect. I mean she had "practiced" with toys tons of times. But she still had a bit of pain and she felt embarassed because she wanted to please me but didn't know how (you don't just know how to hump its partially a learned thing)

Ducy

Posted: 03 Oct 08:44

I'd have to disagree on that; I think every man and woman is perfectly capable of doing this naturally. When your head kicks in and starts to think of what you're doing, that's the point people think they don't know what to do. You should not want to "think" nor "know" for an undefined moment in time. That's a quality were born with, yet you unlearn the skill through growing up and you need to unlearn this learning as an adult. You're still following? ;) To add extra difficulty to sex; you're required to try and keep your head at it when it comes to the condoms and such.

In short this comes down to; after you've put the condom on, let go of all thoughts, shut up and ride :)

RedRoses

Posted: 03 Oct 08:44

No, RR, I have to agree with Ducy here - unskilled labor is, frankly, dangerous as I have had cause to know.
To become skilled, you have to actually think about what you're doing.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 03 Oct 08:44

Dangerous? Would you explain, please?

Perhaps I've missed something... What I think comes natural is the way people "hump" by which I read/meant the way people move their bodies; the rocking motion. Are we talking the same here?

Only thing I've heard of would be that it is possible for a man to thrust so deep and so hard it could cause some sort of internal bleeding. That I'd not call sex, but an act of deliberate aggression with no respect for your partners body nor feelings... By not "thinking" I don't mean losing your mind and all empathy!:eek:

RedRoses

Posted: 03 Oct 08:44

well in your case RR you did belly dancing classes before you met your bf right? so you would already know how to utilize and isolate your hips. this would help you in the bed room i would suspect as well.

big916

Posted: 03 Oct 08:45