OP: Boyfriend Won't Have Sex With Me

A 24 yr old human male who doesn't want sex ??? When normal males think about sex every 7 seconds you have to wonder about this guy.

You need to get yourself OUT of that relationship because he isn't showing you any consideration. Can only touch him when he's hard, refuses oral sex, ignores feminine nakedness - honey, this guy is seriously "broke" and sexually controlling.

He's also UNFAIR. Here he's released your sexuality from the bonds of virginity and now doesn't want to take responsibility for the outcome by satisfying your desires. PErhaps that his 'thing' - deflowering virgins? What a putz!

Now is the time for you to find more compatible males to play with.
Off you go and ENJOY!

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 05 Oct 21:06

EEK I think the planets be aligned and the world must be ending because so far, we have both been posting nearly identical advice, and I have yet to have you correct me in any of my replies!

And to think I believed the end of the world wasn't ever going to happen :p

Ducy

Posted: 05 Oct 21:06

Broken or not, the two of you are at entirely different stages of life. You should be dating guys who are closer to your own age, with similar life experiences. The recommended age span for someone who is nineteen is two years, not five as in your situation.

Please date lots of guys in order to learn about the likes, dislikes, quirks, interests, goals, desires, values, etc., of each in order to help you determine when Mr. Right does come along.

You also need to finish your schooling, learn to become an autonomous adult by mastering the various skills required to live on your own (or with roommates). You also need to spend the next five years doing many of the things he has already done and experienced. My recommendation, depending upon your circumstances, is to move out, move back in with parents, or, find one or two roommates who can share in the costs of an apartment. If you are in school, get a job, also, and begin making your own claim to the world by learning to live as a single woman before sharing your life with someone. What you have been doing so far is hitching a ride only by placing your cart before the horse, so to speak.

In plain English, the man in your life is not sexually attracted to you. There are no "sparks", there is no "chemistry", for if there was, he would be doing all he could to attract you in order to build your arousal as well as his, and to satisfy the both of you, together. I'm here to tell you that from a man's perspective, when he is with a woman with whom he has an emotional bond, sex is far more intense and enjoyable than when he is home alone, taking matters into his own hands. That said, what is wrong with the scenario you have described to us?

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

dancingdoc2

Posted: 05 Oct 21:07

I can only reaffirm the statements above in hopes that you take the advice given. Im a 24 yr old male that wants sex every day, so there is nothing wrong with you and everything wrong with him. Tell him no sex no relationship. It is really that simple because there are a lot of great guys that want you right now.

big916

Posted: 05 Oct 21:07

Dear girlinterupted,
I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. His response must feel awful to you!
Just a question; have you talked about it with him?
The answer to why he responds to you as he does, is not out here. It's inside your house, inside his mind. The key to every relationship is communication. I'd advice you to have this talk and then make your decision.

I'd also like to ask you; what's your situation in the case of break up and moving out? As "lightly" as everyone seems to take this, I know not every 19-year-old can go back to mom and dad or get alternative living space. Mind you; this is not a reason to keep a relationship going! Neither is it reason to keep yourself on the low! But it would be the more reason to end this relationship in an adult way and draw your own plans on how to handle it.

RedRoses

Posted: 05 Oct 21:07

Her choices are:

1. return to Mom & Dad (or whatever)
2. enter college and live on campus
3. get employed and get an apartment perhaps w a paying roommate
4. join the military

See - its not all that hard to find an alternative lviing situation - not at age 19.

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 05 Oct 21:07

EEK, I'm sorry to say that I think you are clearly over-simplifying her choices. Allow me to explain:

I'm not saying there are no options or that it can't be done, I am saying that things are not hocus-spocus-magic-trick-easy to some as it is thought of in this thread. Even the options as mentioned are most likely not accomplished like a snap of the fingers. In other words; you need time to get things together before moving out.

I don't know where the OP lives, but from situations here:

2) You can only join college twice a year and you have to sign up months in advance. And you'd also have to sign up for college funding at least 2 months in advance, or you'll get kicked out the first month unable to pay. Campus is not included and has even longer waiting lists than basic room-renting.

3) Takes time looking for a job that pays enough to rent a room, but housing itself will be the biggest issue. Looking for a room; most cities have a central system (this includes all available rooms!) and have waiting lists for at least a few months up to a year. Looking for a rented house or apartment; a year or more. And you'll never have enough money to buy or private rent a house.

4) Joining the military requires screening and again: waiting before entering. It does not include housing, does provide a good pay-check. Yet; private renting or buying is also likely to take 3-6 months. (and I'd never recommend anyone joining, unless suicidal, but that's my opinion :rolleyes:).

5) last option; live on governmental support and seek for an emergency shelter-place. Social services will most likely help you. But only for a day or two. Unless the situation at home is considered dangerous/violent/explosive, they will tell you to go home and sweat it out a couple of months until you're able to move.

In fact; 19 is difficult! Since under the age of 18 it would have been less hard with youthsupportservices that will see to your housing and care immediately.

1) So when option 1 isn't available, it will most likely take a few months.
Again this is NOT a reason to stay in the relationship! But it could mean living together for a while after break-up. Which is why you'd preferably would want to handle things in an adult way.

All this aside, I'm curious of how you are doing, dear girlinterrupted!

RedRoses

Posted: 05 Oct 21:08

RR the military provides you with a warm bed and food as well as a paycheck. In fact my friend currently has close to 75k saved after 2 years in the air force. He lives on base in Aviano, Italy. Doesn't go out, just does everything there on base. He spends MAYBE 100 a month on luxuries. The paychecks are close to 3300 a month which includes his standard rank pay, and a hazardous duty pay (his MOS is what is hazardous) and also an allowance for uniforms and I believe he mentioned he gets a bit more for living overseas. Or this may be included in his Hazard pay.

It can take up to a year or as little as a month. He went into the airforce in 3 weeks. Signed up, went to MEPS within a week. Was approved and shipped to basic 2 weeks later.

Ducy

Posted: 05 Oct 21:09

I believe you if you say so. I haven't met anyone in the Dutch military that was full time stationed at a military basics, like it is customary in Germany for instance. They expect you to go to training and go home for the weeks you don't. And off course; they do get send out to warzones for a few months. Then again; I've just heard we don't spend that much on military as other countries, so that would explain :) Perhaps the military will make some arrangements so that you can get housing quicker. I wouldn't be surprised if they do. You basically sign a contract to die for, so they need to make it attractive! I've heard in the US they even give away free scholarships to lure youngsters into this death trap:eek: As attractive as it may be, I'd highly dissuade anyone to do so.

I'm sure we could have a good discussion about this specific topic, but I'll shut up about it before I'll sidetrack this thread completely :)

RedRoses

Posted: 05 Oct 21:09

Thank you for all your advice.
It has been very helpful, I am going to talk to him tonight about this as it is a very serious matter. If things don't change I will have to leave.

As for my life experience, I have been out of school for two years, lived in America for a few months (I live in New Zealand) and have lived out of home for two years also.

girlinterrupted

Posted: 05 Oct 21:10

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 18. We have been together for a little over a year. We have had sex a few times but these past couple of months he hasn't even shown an interest in having any form of sexual activity with me. I bought some panties i thought he might like to see me in but that didn't work. I've tried teasing him, giving him massages, kissing him on his sensitive spots, and so much other stuff but he just pushes me away or ignores me. I realize I have a very high sex drive and I would like to have my needs fulfilled sometimes. Any advice on what I could do?

SexySweetyScorpio

Posted: 05 Oct 21:11

Yes kick him to the curb and find another boyfriend...

Ducy

Posted: 05 Oct 21:11

Well that's the thing. I don't want to break up with him because I love him to much. He wants to marry me and I plan on marrying him when i finish my four years of college. Sex isn't the basis of our relationship but I know it won't hurt to have sex every now and again. I just want to try to get him back in the swing of things but I don't know how.

SexySweetyScorpio

Posted: 05 Oct 21:11

Just because sex isn't the basis of your relationship, doesn't make it an unimportant part of it. That he's 18, and not responding to you, can say a lot of things. One possibility being that he doesn't care about your needs/wants. Another being that he's stressed--a couple living together at 17/18, if not under one of your parents' roofs, there's a lot of pressure there.

I'm married to the dude at the golf course who sells you your clubs, gloves, hats, etc. During the season he works 70 or more hours a week, is out of my house for the day by 5:15am, and doesn't have two days off in a row. This makes our sex life challenging, because Sunday and Wednesday nights he's exhausted from working several long-ass days in a row, and Monday and Thursday nights he's been off work for the day-- sometimes --but has to be up at o-dark-30 the next morning. And while I try to control myself until a "good" night for it, he always helps me when I can't contain it anymore, even if it's just his hands because he's too exhausted for real sex (no complaints there, my climaxes are stronger by his fingers anyway).

Another possibility is that you two have just run your course. When I was your age I'd been with a guy for (counting...) 3 years. We knew we were going to go to college, get married, have kids, the whole 9. Fifteen year's later, we're married.....to other people. And we live 200+ miles apart. And he's got 3 kids. And I don't. And I'm just now finishing my BA. Point being, if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans. I am SO, NOT where I thought I'd be when I was your age.

But there are also any number of other possibilities as to what his issue is. You've got to talk it out with him to find out what it is.

lnt1103

Posted: 05 Oct 21:12

Ok. Just to build on what int said...

And be prepared because your going to probably hate me....call me a terrible person....blah blah I have heard it all.

Sex isn't the basis of your relationship. But you are bothered enough by the lack of it that you are on a board full of complete strangers asking for advice on HOW TO GET LAID BY YOUR OWN BF. You can admit it. His rejection hurt your self esteem. You tried to be "sexy" and he turned you down which made you feel UN SEXY. Part of you also resents him because he's YOUR BOYFRIEND and he won't touch you.

You guys are teenagers. He should be humping you like a rabbit. Instead he's dumping you like a prom night dumpster baby. (Yes "Family Guy" reference).

You won't wind up married living happily ever after. Not only are you too young, but your living together. Most couples that live together before marriage split. Stack that onto the fact that you not even fully matured. In 3 years you will have completely different views from what you have now. How do I know? Because I was engaged at 18. Here I am at 21 single, and completely different from what I was.

Sex IS the basis of ANY romantic relationship. There is a sexual attraction when you first "select" your partner. When you walk into a party do you look at a guy and say "he must have a good personality"? No you say "wow he's hot" so obviously your instinctual "must mate with a superior male to ensure my genetic survival" overpowers anything else.

Yes love is all well and good. But how many marriages "Full of love" yet lacking sex actually succeed? Very few. But guess what! Even with a low level of emotional attachment, good sex can make a relationship work better than if it was bad. I mean if you had sex with 2 people. One was great the other was terrible, would you be more likely to have sex with the bad or good one? You wouldn't turn down the guy who gave you a mind blowing experience.

Now take your boyfriend to a doctor. Have him get a full physical. Then if he is healthy, you tell him. "I want more sex...and not a half a$$ed...let's fake an orgasm sex. I want good sex. Where I'm a pile of jello and your covered in scratches and bite marks."

If he doesn't change then you change. You change who your seeing. Dump him and start dating because to be in a relationship when your still a child is not something you should be doing. You should be building relationships with multiple people. Friends, lovers, whatever. Date people. No sexual interest then he goes into friends zone. You wanna see what their body feels like? Then guess what. You follow the words of wisdom from EEK and you schedule a date where you both engage in safe wonderful sex. If he's a bad lay...move along.

But then again you can ignore my advice. Tell me how wrong I am, and continue doing what your doing. But if your having to "spice things up" now, what about in 20 years? Your going to need to be a completely different woman (physically) or delve into the satanic and dark pleasure in order to get a rise (pun intended)

Ducy

Posted: 05 Oct 21:12

Yep! Exactly - if you have beg for sex from him now - what are you going to do when its 20 years later?

Scorpio - dump him. Seriously - just drop him from your list and go get another one.

No, you don't love him and he certainly does not love you. Oh, I am sure before you had sex with him, he was all into your hopes, dreams, and plans and agreeing to everything because that's what guys do to get laid and to get a 'steady girl' so he doesn't have to risk not having any girl in front of his friends. Hard words, but true ones. You simply have got to stop taking guys seriously.

Next item: the more you beg, plead and 'cling' to him the further away from you he will move. The way to get a man is to ignore him half the time. Men want what they have to work to get. Why? Because they aren't entirely sensible. They equate the effor to get with worth - the more work it takes, the more worthy it must be regardless of what it is.

Third: you're 17 and chasing after a man who doesn't 'want' you. How lame is that? Most of the time a woman only has to say yes once to get a man while a man could say yes for years and still not get a woman. Ask them if you don't believe me. Men don't like it but that's the reality. So stop chasing after this guy. There are others just waiting for their chance. Give them that chance.

Lastly - forget the sexy panties routine. Sexy is in the mind, your self-confidence, your attitude, your brain is what fascinates - not some lacy bit of satin from Victoria's Secret.

Got it, yet?

EvilEvilKitten

Posted: 05 Oct 21:12

Yeah I do. I should've added that we don't live together also. I will take all this advice into consideration. I'm gonna talk to him tonight and see if anything improves. Also, I don't plan on marrying him straight out of high school so I know if we don't work out I can definitely move on. He has been the best boyfriend I have ever had and if we don't last I plan on giving dating a rest until I finish college. Anyways, Thank you all for the great advice.

SexySweetyScorpio

Posted: 05 Oct 21:14

> I don't want to break up with him because I love him to much. He wants to marry me and I plan on marrying him when i finish my four years of college.

Whether you give dating a rest while in college or not is not one I would recommend. What I do recommend is that you not date seriously and establish an exclusive relationship with someone. At your age and phase of life you need to do what I recommend over and over--that is, to date lots of people and learn about people's character, morals, likes, dislikes, values, quirks, goals, etc. so that you develop a sense of what you want in a man. Then, when Mr. Right does come along you will be better able to recognize him.

Consider, also, that over the past three-four years your interests and preferences have changed, they no doubt will change considerably more by the time you are twenty five and out of school and beginning life on your own. You should also live on your own for a while in order to develop a sense of self and how to manage your life.

> Sex isn't the basis of our relationship but I know it won't hurt to have sex every now and again. I just want to try to get him back in the swing of things but I don't know how.

You may think you have a high sex drive, but I'm here to tell you that yours will peak sometime in your thirties; a boy's will will peak when he is nineteen.

If you are wondering why a hormonally drive boy is not interested in sex, you will have to communicate with him and ask. It may be that he is just not that into you any more, that he learned all he wanted to know for now and is on to the next thing of interest, or....?

dancingdoc2

Posted: 05 Oct 21:14