'Converting' a FWB relationship into more... [f]
I moved in with a friend towards the end of my university days due to financial issues at the the time. After a while we decided to have sex together since we were both single at the time. This has been going on for a couple years now and I think I want something more with him. I honestly feel that he is top husband material but I don't want to scare him off with a comment such as that. I don't want to lose him as a friend either if things don't work out either. Since we are living together I'm afraid that our living situation could potentially blow up.
I know I'm all over the place and I'm sorry if I'm hard to follow.
How should I handle this. If he accepts how would this change our relationship? After all we're already sleeping together.
Thanks
Yoonie
Replies:
Get to a neutral spot (outside your joint little nest) with sex neither desired (immediately) nor possible and announce that you two need to talk. If he is ready to talk, perhaps you have a keeper; if not, cut your losses and move on.
I, too, had a roommate of convenience (sex and economy) whilst in school. We never went beyond that and went to internships in different cities. End of intimate relationship but the beginning of a life long friendship. I still feel I could ring him up for help or support.
Brandye
You can deeply love someone and you can be deeply in love with someone.
I also had a live-in love, yet after a few years it became clear that while we loved each other, there was no in love chemistry. Many years later we are still great friends even though there is now someone I am in love with now.
I honestly feel that he is top husband material but I don't want to scare him off with a comment such as that.
Have a discussion somewhere, perhaps over/after dinner at a nice restaurant. Pose the question of what do you think about "us" and do you want to explore the possibilities of a closer relationship. Let him know that you are open to the idea.
I'm afraid that our living situation could potentially blow up.
Maybe yes, maybe not. Relationships come and relationships go. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I often tell people that the process of dating is full of failure all in the quest of learning about others and finding Mr./Ms. Right. Some people we date will last thru dinner, other people we date will last a while, a few will last a long time, and one or two will be keepers. Do not be too concerned about a relationship blowing up. Be concerned about the process of finding the right person for you.
Roommates come and roommates go. If you need to find a new person to share expenses with, there are plenty of people and services to help.
dancingdoc2
Get to a neutral spot (outside your joint little nest) with sex neither desired (immediately) nor possible and announce that you two need to talk. If he is ready to talk, perhaps you have a keeper; if not, cut your losses and move on.
I, too, had a roommate of convenience (sex and economy) whilst in school. We never went beyond that and went to internships in different cities. End of intimate relationship but the beginning of a life long friendship. I still feel I could ring him up for help or support.
Brandye
How did you go Yoonie?? Have you spoken to him yet? How did it all go?? I am stuck in a similar situation... I have a guy who I really like and he is more than happy to do friends with bennifits/one night things, but dosnt want to go any further, but I really like him and have done for years... I dont know weather to go on with it or not coz at the end of it I will end up being the one whos hurt.. He gets a good night (possibly also a morning) shag and I want that too but at the end of it he gets everything and I only get half of what i want.
babybella1987
For both of you:
It seems to me that if there was to be a relationship for each of you with these fellas that nature would have taken its course and things would have happened by now.
I still recommend having a heart to heart discussion with each, yet at the same time, believe that if each of the guys wanted each of you they would have made their moves. That they haven't tells you that they are happy with life as it is.
dancingdoc2
The first thing to do is to build an independent life for yourself THEN have a talk with him. You're going to have to talk to him as one adult to another and if he still sees you as "convenient" in any way that's not going to happen.
You begin this process by having outside hobbies and interests and not being there with him. Have a goal that is just about you and begin working toward achieving it. No need to mention any of this, just do it.
If he wants to come along, that's his decision and that's what you want isn't it? For him to decide he wants to go there with you. That's only going to happen if you're married to each other - so there you are.
About the easiest method is to find yourself a really killer job in another location - one that means you have to move.
EvilEvilKitten