Boys and girls are not "all grown up" having just gone thru puberty. The process begins before this and lasts a good decade! Puberty prepares the body for procreation; however, there is much more that must happen to complete a person's maturity.
One aspect of maturing is socialization.
* Preteens generally do not have an interest in the other sex.
* During early adolescence members of the same gender tend to flock together--girls with girls, boys with boys.
* Later on the friendship circles merge as girls and boys begin to do things in coed groups.
* As a person matures further, s/he continues the friendship group yet begins to seek out members of the opposite sex to date and pair up.
* The purpose of dating is to learn what humanity has to offer us in the way of personalities, characters, morals, religious values, likes, dislikes, quirks, desires, goals, etc.
The more individuals we date the better able we will be to recognize when Mr./Ms. Right comes along. Also, as we grow older, our personal tastes and desires change, therefore, the criteria we establish for a proposed significant other changes several times. If we only date one person we limit our options.
When we or the person we date wants to move on the relationship breaks up, usually painfully because we guys have all our emotional "eggs in one basket". Although painful for girls, also, it is less so because girls have more baskets with fewer eggs in each--in other words, more ways of handling the stress and drama and trauma. As young teens, we have few coping skills to handle the stress of this. In addition, we have yet to acquire and develop interpersonal skills necessary to interact with the other sex and this is where fighting enters its nastiness. Learning to negotiate differences, using "give and take" so each person feels their wishes and desires are being considered and met are skills that come along with much practice (with several people) and over time. An important strategy and life lesson is to "give in order to receive". Think about this and tell me what you think this means. All too often, relationships are all about "me" and what I want with little consideration for the partner.
Kids begin maturing at different ages, yet at fourteen you are probably not yet at the coed group level. Whether you are or are not, my point being you have not yet acquired all the emotional and social skills required to handle an exclusive relationship. Teens should date lots of people and sometimes more than one at a time. Keep these relationships open. Exclusivity comes years later and when you are ready to settle down. When we date non-exclusively, we eliminate the sense of "ownership". When a relationship ends, there will be far less drama and trauma to handle for which young people are less able to handle.
When we date more than one person at a time--
* there are more chances to date, and, more choices for where to go and what to do.
* By dating more than one person at a time, our circle of friends increases.
* By dating others, we expose ourselves to a variety of personalities as noted above.
* By dating openly and not exclusively, we are freer to move on when our interests and priorities change with maturity.
What people do not realize is that a couple can have the "togetherness" and the bonding and the sense of belonging without the entanglements. Therein lies one of the important purposes for dating and not just stopping with the first person who expresses an interest.
Date lots of people, learn about each, continue to mature, and as you do your skills, objectivity, and, insight will be much keener than if you do not. You will also have more opportunities for fun and building your circle of friends. You can do all the things you would do in an exclusive relationship, and, because both people want to be together, it flourishes, also. You just do not have the "ownership" that should not be a factor at any age or stage; thus no big problems to try and overcome when a relationship does end.
Teens should not have to deal with emotional problems they are not well equipped to handle. Furthermore, the need to be needed can still be satisfied whether dating one person or several openly. Remember, each relationship exists because both people want it to, so why burden yourselves needlessly by wanting to have a girl- boy-friend in which commitment is understood, not expected or demanded?
dancingdoc2
Posted: 08 Oct 22:24
